MP Dunleavy writes an interesting article about being the Family Bailout Fund. It looks at what people think and do when their families start to hit them up for money. Does your family treat you like an ATM?
Interesting question. I am pretty grateful that my family does not. Actually if anything people treat my parents like the family bailout fund/atm. I don’t think it’s very nice of them really. Rather I think there should be some reciprocity in paying for dinners out or gifts to family.
Do I believe in helping family? Yes, but not if they are stupid. For example, if my BIL hit me up for a loan for money, would I do it? Nowadays no. Not because we don’t have it, but because I know he’s being dumb with his money. He’d be wasting it on hookers and booze literally, not metaphorically but literally. So I’d likely allow him to live with us, and buy him groceries and help him find an apartment, and maybe even put down a deposit. Yes I’m a sucker. BUT since I know him, I certainly would not give my BIL cash to buy what he wanted. And I would never cosign anything with him either.
I probably would give money to a family member who lost a job or needed short term cash. But if I knew the person was being cheap and unwilling to spend their own money, I would be pissed and not do it.
I also consider being the family ATM, when people expect you to pay for their meals out every time because you “make more” like my parents. I think it’s rude. There is a limit to how much you should have to keep shelling out. I’d probably start asking for separate checks if I felt I was being taken advantaged of.
Of course this is all contingent on me being able to afford to gift this money and not need it myself.
Are you the family bailout fund? Have you ever been? What rules and conditions were in place?
5 responses so far ↓
1 ken // Sep 17, 2009 at 1:05 pm
i use to be the family atm for my brothers and sisters anyway. then i joined the military.
i’m not against helping out. i am against helping you be stupid.
2 JoeP // Sep 17, 2009 at 2:19 pm
You wrote: I also consider being the family ATM, when people expect you to pay for their meals out every time because you “make more” like my parents. I think it’s rude. There is a limit to how much you should have to keep shelling out.
LOL, this is exactly how I feel about the “rich” being taxed at a higher rate simply because they make more money.
3 Meg // Sep 17, 2009 at 11:31 pm
I think it’s pretty easy to say “no” to somebody who is making obviously bad spending/moral decisions. It’s also pretty easy to say you’d jump in to help if a family member had a medical emergency or personal tragedy or job loss.
But the tough calls are the ones in the middle – helping a mildly irresponsible family member, or one who’s making lifestyle choices that are keeping them from getting ahead but aren’t totally objectionable (choosing to live in a HCOLA, lease a nice car, send their kids to private schools, smoke…). I mean seriously, most of us can cut back SOMEWHERE. If you are needing money from family but still shop, eat out, and pay for cable and high speed internet, then there’s a problem.
Helping out to help solve a specific problem is one thing, but helping subsidize a lifestyle in an ongoing way is another (even if you don’t object to the lifestyle).
But on the other hand I have NO problem paying more for joint gifts or vacations or dinners with my siblings since I make more. But that’s because they would never ask me to.
4 fengshui // Sep 20, 2009 at 1:23 pm
I’ve never had anyone in my family ask for money, and I’ve never asked my family for money, so I’m not really sure what I think of this….
5 LAL // Sep 21, 2009 at 6:59 pm
I’m for helping people, just not stupid as well.
Joe, why do you think I’m for a flat tax rate? We just pay 10% of our incomes no deductions. Then everyone though would be sad. They’d have to pay a set amount, no special loopholes, etc.
Meg, excellent point about subsidizing a lifestyle.
Fengshui, a lot of people hit up family for money!
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