This is a post from a message board I read. It was about recession weddings.
The second one was outside at a park. There were no tuxes for the groom and groomsmen. No flowers at the venue.
The reception was held at the home of the groom’s parents, in their back yard. The photographer looked less than professional, and I think that my Rebel digital camera had his beat.
We joked that the food was going to be provided by the taco vendor. Sure enough, the taco vendors were there, ready to cook our meal.
Simple flowers were in vases on the tables. Paper plates, plastic forks, paper napkins abound. On the bridal party’s table, they took the bridesmaid’s bouquets and stuck each one in a separate vase to double as a floral arrangement for their table. They had a very small cake, but they did not serve their guests cake!
DH was taken off guard and surprised but I was not. Why?
I know that the father of the groom is a very frugal man. He is a firm believer in saving for a down payment of a house as quickly as possible. I bet that he told the couple that they could get a house in this market if they were smart. What is smart??? Save the money that would have been spent of a fancy wedding and use it as a down for a house. I heard that they just purchased a home.
Even though the wedding was not what I would have liked or expected for our DD, I just had to admire this family.
What an idea. Why pay out all of this money for one day, even though it is a very important one.
I have say CHEAPO. Sorry but you don’t have a cake for a wedding and not serve cake to guests you INVITED. You can serve 2 boxes of betty crocker cake with frosting for $10. You can make it from scratch. Perhaps if you told someone, they might make it for you as a wedding gift. The woman who wrote this is a coupon goddess. She probably has boxes of Betty Crocker for free! She could give it to the happy couple I bet without blinking!
Or if you want to indulge just a little, go to Costco and get a $30 sheet of cake. They even write on it for free. I did it for my DH’s graduation. We were not rich, but I wanted a cute cake and we served it to all our guests.
These people define CHEAP. We always argue what is cheap and what is frugal. I’ve quote Mary Hunt who says “stingyness is forcing others to live your frugal lifestyle.”
So were they being cheap or frugal?
22 responses so far ↓
1 Frugal Urbanite // Jun 16, 2009 at 10:35 am
Most of that fell under ‘frugal’ to me until I got to the taco vendors and the cake. I wonder if they had other desserts for the guests instead?
While I’m not a proponent of paying for a huge wedding you can’t afford, I always envision a certain amount of elegance when I picture a wedding.
2 JoeP // Jun 16, 2009 at 10:48 am
It is certainly not conventional by today’s standards! I’d personally feel a little awkward attending such an event, but would be supportive of their marriage and try to have a good time anyway. I wouldn’t want to sully such an important event by grumbling about tacos and such, and would “take one for the team” by putting on a phony smile.
Maybe a few years they’ll want to renew their vows and do something a little more extravagant, who knows.
3 SP // Jun 16, 2009 at 10:53 am
I would say most of it is “frugal”, but you are right, not serving cake to the guests at all, yet having one? That is cheap. You can even have a cute cake for photos and serve sheet cake to guests (I’ve heard of this).
I don’t know. I generally like when people buck conventions and do a wedding exactly how they want without regard to what they “should” do. Tacos are a little odd, but not sharing cake is poor manners!
4 R. May // Jun 16, 2009 at 10:57 am
I think it’s their wedding and whatever they wanted was fine. Didn’t you just post about judging ; )
I do agree the cake part was bizarre though.
I do wish more people did simple affairs and stopped blowing thousands of dollars on one day. No one actually cares or will remember what your floral centerpieces looked like!
5 SavingDiva // Jun 16, 2009 at 11:11 am
I think the wedding sounds cute…except the cake! Why not just make a sheet cake for a few dollars and serve that to the guests?!
Weddings are getting so expensive that I wonder how I’ll pay for mine (if I ever have one).
6 LAL // Jun 16, 2009 at 11:12 am
Tacos is AWESOME. I love Tacos personally. I miss mexican food like CRAZY. I would be thrilled to have a taco vendor. In hawaii a ton of weddings are done in people’s garages, potluck style.
And heck ya I’m going to judge. That’s just poor manners to have a cake and not serve it to guests to save a buck.
I’ve been to a lot of weddings where everyone was asked to bring food and beer. That’s traditional in hawaii! But it would POOR taste to have a wedding cake and then NOT serve it.
Come on, you can spend $5 to make a betty crocker cake and ice it.
7 LAL // Jun 16, 2009 at 11:14 am
And I meant judging others are not being able to afford their lifestyle or poor because of how they live.
This is a for certain CHEAPO behavior.
Frugal behavior would be NOT having cake to save $$.
CHEAPO behavior is having cake only for the bride, groom, and parents, BUT not everyone else.
8 Jen // Jun 16, 2009 at 11:36 am
It seemed okay until I got to the part about the cake. How can you not serve cake to your guests??
9 meinmillions // Jun 16, 2009 at 11:45 am
Forget the weirdness of the cake thing, I’m just sad for this couple because they are going to have terrible pictures from their day. I think you can find a professional photographer in a lower price range who will do a great job.
I don’t really understand the taco vender thing.
10 amy // Jun 16, 2009 at 11:57 am
This is cheap and embarrassing. If you don’t want floral arrangements, that’s OK. Just don’t pretend the bridesmaid’s bouquets are really a bunch of floral arrangements. If you don’t want to serve cake, that’s OK. Just don’t make one anyway and not share it with your guests. If dad is a cheap-ass tighwad and you don’t want to pay for your own wedding, that’s OK; just don’t foist your dad’s ideas on your guests.
Frugal behavior would have been to elope.
11 Meg // Jun 16, 2009 at 12:45 pm
I wonder where this took place. I’ll bet you $100 it’s in some rural area where none of these practices are particularly “bizarre” or “embarassing.”
I agree not having cake for everybody is a bit offensive though – they could easily have gotten one donated or had some relative whip up a simple one.
And as for the tacos, I’ve been to many upscale parties in Texas which feature Tex-Mex food. It’s just like doing barbeque or grilling steaks in other areas of the country. It can be nice, if quaint (and tasty!!).
12 Melissa // Jun 16, 2009 at 12:47 pm
A friend of mine had a very frugal and modest wedding (the brides family made all of the food INCLUDING sheet cake for everyone) and the bride constructed her own “pretty” cake out of cardboard and then covered it in fondant and decorated. Her wedding bouquets were artificial flowers that she constructed herself.
The place that they splurged was on an awesome professional photographer and videographer who captured the wedding from us bridesmaids getting our hair done until the last person left the dance.
It was a beautiful, but frugal wedding and not in the least bit cheap-o.
13 Danielle // Jun 16, 2009 at 1:08 pm
It really depends on where your values lie.
For me, I don’t want the standard tacky reception hall wedding that everyone usually has. I think it’s silly to spend tens of thousands or the “average” 25000 on one day.
It also depends on why you’re having a wedding. Is it to feel like a princess for a day? show off? or to simply celebrate two people joining together in love?
Personally, I wouldn’t want a paper plate reception, a novice photographer or plastic “silverware,” but I intend to have a simple wedding without all the ridiculousness that women are convinced they’re “supposed” to have.
14 Meg from FruWiki // Jun 16, 2009 at 1:28 pm
I’ve been to some pretty redneck weddings that make that look plush, lol.
At one in particular the music supplied via car stereo with a constant “ding ding” because the windows didn’t roll down and they had to leave the door open. The tiki torches that weren’t even unwrapped! The best man was wearing flip flops, jeans, and a wife-beater! I could go on, but you wouldn’t even believe me. And yes, very rural — in the soggy yard next to a mobile home. The marriage didn’t even survive the honeymoon. The groom, bless his heart, is getting married again this month (to a great and much classier gal).
I grew up in the country, so I don’t really mind weddings like that. They make good stories and I can’t believe the prices of weddings elsewhere! We had a big church wedding and dinner reception with a full jazz band for only a few thousand. Spending $25k or even $75k on a wedding seems ridiculous to me unless you’re REALLY rolling in dough.
However, not serving cake to everyone is a bit cheap. Wedding cake can be pricey, but they could have at least had someone bring some cupcakes or something & frost them up nice. But now that I think of it, I’m not sure they had cake at the wedding I went to. It was catered by Boston Market, though
15 LAL // Jun 16, 2009 at 2:33 pm
I think everything but the cake was nice and frugal. I loved the tacos. Wouldn’t have worked with my family because they only eat some american and asian food. But I didn’t oay for centerpieces either.
My beef is with having a cake for only some people not ALL!
16 Sp // Jun 16, 2009 at 8:18 pm
Everyone says they want a “simple” wedding, but it is easier said than done. Just keep that in mind. (currently planning a “simple” wedding hahaha)
Putting the bridesmaid bouquets in vases at the head table is totally legit (in my mind!), because… it isn’t like the BM’s want to carry them around all night! Anyway, my friend did that at her (forma-lish, sorta) wedding and I didn’t bat an eye.
And not everyone cares about pictures. this has been the big thing in recent years, you always hear about how important they are — but do you really look at them all that often? Do they reallymake your marriage any stronger/better? No. (That being said, I’m getting a pro photographer. i just respect those who are ok with more snap shot like photos.)
17 eemusings // Jun 17, 2009 at 6:55 am
I saw that thread and I was totally taken aback. How could you serve and eat cake yourself in front of all your guests without offering them any???
18 LAL // Jun 17, 2009 at 9:04 am
Simple can be our neighbors getting married this weekend in the backyard! But they are going to a restaurant after they get married. BUT I guarantee they will serve cake/dessert to EVERYONE!
They are only having 25 people and we were invited to the ceremony because we could see it anyway from our house.
But still that’s SIMPLE and FRUGAL. It’s not frugal to eat your cake and not give any to anyone else!
19 Abigail // Jun 17, 2009 at 7:12 pm
I have to agree with everyone else: The only place they really stepped over the line was in having cake and not sharing. I know for a fact that you can get a very pretty Sam’s Club round cake for $16-17. So, even with a big crowd, you’d be looking at $50 for cake.
Otherwise, it sounds like a laid back, good time.
20 LAL // Jun 17, 2009 at 9:14 pm
You can make a cake for very cheap as well.
21 FB @ FabulouslyBroke.com // Jun 19, 2009 at 3:01 pm
CHEAP!!!
It sounds like a Dutch wedding I went to. NO FOOD served AT ALL. Including cake or favors. Only the simple ceremony and a small reception, no alcohol.
22 LAL // Jun 19, 2009 at 10:02 pm
FB, was it at least a short wedding? So you could go away dinner later?
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