Do you ever save for a long time for a large purchase then feel a twinge of pain when you actually make the purchase? Sometimes I have to say I do. The twinge comes from parting with that large amount of money. Granted now the large amount of money is say more than $300. Whereas, when we made less, it could have been parting with $30.
Either way the pain of parting with saved cash, even on a credit card, sometimes makes me flinch. This flinching reaction is probably what keeps my inner spender “in check” on a credit card. Even though it’s not cash, I flinch. But how to overcome this?
It’s obviously a mental problem. Being worried that you are overspending. Being overly cautious. The truth is, much like work, you have to have faith that you’ve prepared properly. That you made a spending plan, to part with the large amount of cash and no matter what happens you won’t look back and say “it was a mistake.”
I mean obviously with larger purchases like a car or home, it’s harder to be absolutely certain it was the right decision. You could buy a house and lose a job 10 days later (happened to our neighbors). Or you could buy a house and get divorced a few months later (happened to a friend). There are situations and circumstances you cannot plan.
But I think it’s important to have a “spending” plan and be comfortable with the purchases you make. That spending money is “okay”. Do you have trouble spending?
5 responses so far ↓
1 amy // May 29, 2009 at 1:23 pm
Commenting a lot lately, I know… but, this strikes such a chord in me! The feeling you describe is was for most of my childhood and adult life, an automatic reflexive action in me—having to do with growing up poor and being told NO a lot, and being put down for wanting nice things. I grew up feeling like I didn’t deserve nice things and I was a bad person for wanting them.
I no longer feel this way, and what changed that was this—and it’s kind of funny and ironic—I had to practice! Responsibly, of course. Yes, the more practice I had purchasing expensive items, the more you comfortable I got doing it. This is in part what has maybe helped contribute to our current recession, I know—and is counter to your blog of fiscal responsibility. However, the expensive purchases don’t have to be frivolous—nice vacuum cleaner, new refrigerator, remodeling a crappy bathroom, renting a nice car on vacation—you’ve probably already done a lot of things like this.
The hesitation I felt for buying something non-essnetial (and special, that I’d saved up for) was usually telling me one of two things.
1) that I didn’t really want or need it and was purchasing it on a whim or as part of a passing trend and somewhere in my mind I knew this, or
2) that I was just nervous—as this kind of purchasing was a new experience for me.
As time passed, I got better at discerning which of these feelings was more accurate, and have become more comfortable buying expensive non-essential items that are not unreasonable purchases given our financial situation. Hope this make sense!
2 JoeP // May 29, 2009 at 1:46 pm
For me, part of the emotion of making a big purchase is “feeling” the money go away. Even though the money was saved over time, and we didn’t have to skimp along the way as we saved, and the purchase was agreed upon as needed, there is still a bit of remorse letting go of money.
Then I feel a bit of resentment when we get the thing. Sure, our vacuum cleaner was truly needed, but I kind of resent the purchase for some reason.
Even getting an expensive gift (admittedly rare) or anything for my anniversary, birthday, or fathers day…makes me feel a bit uncomfortable. Almost like I’m transferring the remorse I should be feeling onto the giver, and feeling bad about it! Weird, huh?
3 Meg from FruWiki // May 30, 2009 at 1:02 am
Oh, definitely! I KNOW that frugality isn’t about being cheap and not spending anything, and value is REALLY important to me. But I still feel a bit guilty.
For example, I still feel a bit guilty about my treadmill. I didn’t find one I liked for the right price used, so I bought one new — and went with a high end model since I wanted plenty of walk space since I’m long-legged, as well as plenty of speed & incline options. And it’s not like it’s turned into a clothes hanger! I do use it! Staying health and getting healthier is very important to me. And the price was a lot less than we had spent on gym membership (we rarely used) over the years before canceling! But still… I think that we could have put that money on debt, even though we put that much and more each month.
Oh, and just a slight twinge when I spent $120 on walking shoes today. Most I ever spent on a pair of shoes, but well worth it for shoes that fit my narrow feet & shouldn’t cause shin splints. I also have another pair of ugly but special walking shoes (Vibram Five Fingers Sprint for less public places) that was well worth the money, despite — again — a twinge of guilt. In fact, I also treated my husband to a pair today as he’s been impressed by how my feet are changing to a healthier shape after using them. So, the shoe trip came out to over $200. It came out of my blogging money which I even call “shoe money”, despite the fact that I usually just put it towards our debt along with much of my “allowance” because I just haven’t been spending it lately.
And today… I finally bought new socks, after wearing holey socks for months. And by holes, I mean my toes sometimes go out through the holes in the bottom when I put them on if I don’t watch while I’m doing it.
Maybe its all o.k., though. A little guilt helps me not spend when I shouldn’t.
4 fengshui // Jun 1, 2009 at 9:44 pm
I do not feel “bad” about spending money. It makes me happy most of the time because I feel like I’m rewarding myself for working hard and reaching goals. What was hard, was making the transition from buying most every large purchase on credit, to saving for them. But, I definately do not feel guilt if I make a large purchase, because I know that I’ll have something to show for it. I’ve said it before, I hope not to die rich. I want to enjoy the fruits of my labor while I’m still here. And while it is important to save for a rainy day, I still feel like we need to live life to the fullest, and see the world. I feel that there is a healthy balance that can be achieved. I’m working on it
5 LAL // Jun 4, 2009 at 10:01 pm
Amy, I think that’s what it is. Training towards no regrets.
Joe, I don’t resent my purchase, except maybe my Dog! LOL. The gift that keeps on costing.
Meg, that’s it. I feel guilty.
Fengshui, I certainly hope to feel free one day.
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