So I was home the last week, and cleaning up my old family home. While at home, I was looking and throwing away a ton of old stuff. Something I saw on the top shelf my mom’s office was my old savings cat bag. A cute bag that looks like a cat and has a little lock and hole on top to put in money.
Anyway, I realized my mom gypped me as a kid and taught me poor money lessons. She made me put my envelopes containing cash in them unopened into the cat bag. These are cash gifts from friends and relatives for things like Easter, New Years, Christmas, etc. I never got to open the envelopes, but I still wrote thank you letters saying “thank you for the monetary gift…” I have no idea how much I got or if I even got money, it was likely because of tradition.
Anyway, here I am nearly 30, and my mom has never given me the Cat Bag. I don’t even think she remembers. That isn’t the issue. The issue isn’t that my mom probably didn’t even want the money. Or the fact the money sat there not compounding or earning interest. Or that I could have bought something fun and cool with the money.
The real issue is my mom passed up an opportunity to teach me a valuable financial lesson, and instead she took away money that rightfully belonged to me. She could have allowed me to open the envelopes and instituted a 50% savings rule. I save 50% of everything into an account. Then I have access at 18 years old or something. Nope, instead she took away the envelopes and never gave me the money period.
It’s starting to bother me, because I think perhaps the people who gave the gift expected it to be used for something fun. Perhaps it was a little or a lot, again I have no idea because my mom did not let me open the envelopes. I think that also was a problem. But I think that the lesson she taught me about money was not the right one. That taking your children’s gifts and putting it aside without opening it is “okay” because you are the parent and they are the child.
What do you think? And has this ever happened? Should I ask my mom for the Cat Bag?
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18 responses so far ↓
1 Fabulously Broke // Apr 21, 2009 at 2:03 pm
I agree that your mom was definitely short-sighted.
Does make me wonder where the money went. When I received money, my parents let me open the packet, and we immediately deposited it into the bank account I had that my dad controlled.
I am almost 100% sure my dad drained that account, and didn’t give me the full amount I had earned or saved all those years…. but one can never know, I wasn’t tracking my money back then
I am SO going to make my kids track their cash and let them open the packets and decide what they want to do (like 50% towards buying a bond, the other 50% towards fun)..
Ask her for it. But I don’t know how you are going to casually bring it up! LOL
2 LAL // Apr 21, 2009 at 2:22 pm
Holy cow, an astounding amount are saying ask for the cat bag but not responding. LOL.
I honestly think the money might have been $5, $10, or $20. Not a huge amount but more just to give a kid a small amount of fun or something.
I am going to directly ask her for the money! I’m going to say please mail me the cat bag.
3 Meg // Apr 21, 2009 at 2:28 pm
I voted yes, but really I don’t think you should ask her for it – I think you should just take it (and potentially let her know, if you think she’d even notice). It’s your money after all! (Although it wouldn’t surprise me if she took any money out of there long ago).
If you really feel you need to justify it, tell her you’d love to use any money in there to max out your Roth IRA or add to savings or give to charity or something you think she’d condone.
I don’t know what “tradition” you’re referring to, but that sounds pretty weird to me! And why would she keep in in the top shelf in her office? Now that I think about it more I think you should definitely talk to her about it and ask why she never gave it to you, why she kept the bag from you, why she never trusted you with the funds (even at your age!), or – if applicable – why she took that money from you. Tradition or not, you need to understand it!
4 alicia // Apr 21, 2009 at 2:40 pm
I wouldn’t ask for it, but I think that’s only because it would stir up emotions in me that wouldn’t be worth the money, assuming there was even anything in there.
But then, I don’t know what your relationship is like with your parents, and it sounds like you’re good with what you’ve decided to do.
5 LAL // Apr 21, 2009 at 3:05 pm
Tradition of giving money in envelopes MEG. Not sure if that’s normal or not but for me it’s the norm. There would be money in the envelopes, cash.
Alicia, I don’t think my mom would take the money. I’m not sure why she held on to it. I want to ask her why? When did I grow up enough to have it.
6 JoeP // Apr 21, 2009 at 3:59 pm
Are there still checks in the envelopes? The older generation was probably going NUTS trying to figure out where those missing canceled checks went!
I’d just go “Mom, let’s take a look in the CatBag!” and see where the conversation goes.
7 SimplyForties // Apr 21, 2009 at 8:39 pm
Good heavens. Surely she’s forgotten about it by now. If so, wouldn’t you think it would just be a laugh to her if you told her you’d found it? How old were you when you stopped having to hand over your gift envelopes? Are the envelopes with the money still in there? If that had happened to me and I asked my mom about it (the bag not the bad lesson) she’d laugh and hand it over.
I wouldn’t address the poor lesson in money management. There’s nothing to be done about that now.
8 LAL // Apr 21, 2009 at 11:21 pm
JoeP I think it’s all cash. But if there were check OMG.
Simplyforties, I did it until I left for college at 16. I “Obeyed”. In my house it was my parents way or the highway. Sigh.
9 Bobbi // Apr 22, 2009 at 7:19 am
I voted yes. It is your money and maybe she honestly forgot about it. (I don;t think I would have though). Talk to her about it but definitely ask her for it.
Good luck & let us know what you did.
10 holly // Apr 22, 2009 at 7:34 am
I would NOT ask. I would just take it. It is YOURS from childhood gifts.
11 LAL // Apr 22, 2009 at 9:21 am
I would feel back just taking it. I’ve got to ask her for it.
12 Sarah // Apr 22, 2009 at 10:51 am
I voted no only because I wouldn’t ask for it – I’d have taken it right then and there. Tradition or not, what’s yours is yours.
13 LAL // Apr 22, 2009 at 1:40 pm
Maybe all the No votes are no because of the same reason.
14 Colettte // Apr 22, 2009 at 2:36 pm
Tell your mother you would like the bag. Don’t make a big dramatic deal about it. She has probably forgotten about it and has no idea that you are irked by it. Use the bag to open up a dialog about money and the lessons she was trying to teach, or pitfalls she was trying to help you avoid. This is the same woman who hoards food, so her perspective will be dramatically different from yours. There is no point in causing upset to the person who spent her life guiding you in other ways not necessarily financially oriented.
15 Michelle // Apr 22, 2009 at 3:16 pm
I’d definitely bring it up casually – “I noticed the cat bag in your office. I remember being so excited to get gifts and put them in the bag…” and so on. I remember getting lots of official looking pieces of paper as a kid for gifts (I know now that they were savings bonds). From each set of grandparents, from different aunts/uncles for both Christmas and birthdays, usually $50s or $100s.
I asked my mom about them sometime in my twenties and she told me my parents cashed all of them in to help put the downpayment on their first home! and it was quite a bit of money – sis and I were in our early teens = $8000 between sis and I) and bros (tots) had about $1000 apiece…But mom said she felt guilty about it but wanted to give us kids (4 of us) a home…
But that was back in 1985 and she assures me the home she bought at $75K is now paid-off and worth $300K plus, so we’ll see our money when she passes and me & the siblings inherit her house! not bad for money we didn’t know we had…
16 JoeP // Apr 22, 2009 at 4:07 pm
I guess I see this a lot differently than others.
Gift money directed toward children should be the property of the children, used under the guidance of the parents. If a child is too young to comprehend money, open a savings account and deposit it. Even if a child is old enough to know what money is, still deposit it into their account and let them buy something they want with it. And yes, let them buy something that you *know* is chintzy and will break, so they learn that lesson early on.
Unless it is for paying for food to avoid starvation, or heat to avoid freezing, that money belongs to the kids. And if a parent diverts the gift money away from the child, I think the parent owes the giver an explanation, even if it is “Thanks for the money you sent to Kate, but we put it in a Cat Bag, and then spent it on another fridge.”
17 Kristy @ Master Your Card // Apr 22, 2009 at 10:52 pm
I say ask for the bag, it’s the polite thing to do. Despite it being yours, it is currently in her household and good manners should still take precedent. I still have things in my parents’ house that I ask for before I take it. It’s a matter of courtesy and respect.
I wouldn’t bring up the money lesson – or lack thereof – because what’s done is done and there’s no use starting an argument over it. If I were you, I’d keep the non-lesson close to heart so you know what to do right when you have kids, but don’t hold a grudge against your mother for it. She did what she thought was best at the time and would probably feel very defensive if you brought it up.
Good luck with that!
18 LAL // Apr 23, 2009 at 10:24 am
I think that’s part of it. If I gave one of my nephews and nieces money (gift cards) I would hope they could spend it on something fun. Maybe save a portion, but I wanted them to HAVE FUN.
I would be miffed if the parent took it for their own purposes unless they are in dire straits. If not then I would ask why? And next time just buy the kid the video game or book they wanted.
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