I decided that it’s been bugging me that our roommate has been using our cars a lot lately. Yes, we have him on our insurance policy. And we’ve been okay with him borrowing a car occasionally. But lately my DH and I both feel he’s been using the car a lot. Pretty much every weekend. Mostly because it’s winter and it’s hard to get around biking late at nights.
But here’s the issue we’re really having. A car is not a free item. It costs money to drive and maintain. Money which we fork over. But our roomie, since he doesn’t have a car isn’t aware of this obviously. So what’s our issue?
Well I think whenever you borrow someone’s car, you should fill up the tank. Doesn’t matter if you borrow it for 1 hour or 12 hours. If you drive it for 10 miles or 100 miles. Or whether the tank is full or empty when you get it. The person loaning you the car is doing you a HUGE favor by allowing you to drive the vehicle. Isn’t the least you can do is fill up their tank as a thank you. Considering that a car does cost money to maintain.
So I’m curious what most people would do in this situation? By the way, he’s a good friend, but for the past 4 weeksends he’s used a car Friday, Saturday, and Sunday night. He will borrow the car around 6 and come home after we go to bed so easily after midnight. My DH and I rarely go out on the weekends without each other, so the car would just be sitting there.
However, I think we just feel that our roommate is just relying on the car and not realizing that perhaps he should fill up the car. Am I wrong? Should I talk to him about it?
Sorry, there are no polls available at the moment.
30 responses so far ↓
1 sara l // Mar 2, 2009 at 10:13 am
This is always a sticky situation. When I was the carless roomate every couple of trip I’d hand over a $20. It was also my roomates first time owning a car and driving in a place that got snow, so there were snow lessons and gifts of winter stuff.
Next time ask him to fill it up on his way home. Maybe he’ll take the hint.
2 Fit Wallet // Mar 2, 2009 at 10:58 am
We don’t loan out our car often, since it’s a 5-speed (most people can’t drive manuals anymore) and there are several very good car share programs in this city. But when we do, we fully expect the borrower to replace the gas they use, or at the very least, give us gas money. Last time we let our friends borrow the car right after they bought their condo, and they made lots of trips to Home Depot. We were on vacation that week, so they took us to/from the airport AND filled up the tank for us in return. That’s just common courtesy, if you ask me…
3 Barb1954 // Mar 2, 2009 at 11:23 am
If your friend is in an accident, you are going to have to pay the insurance deductible. Either stop loaning your car to him or start charging a minimum amount every time he uses it.
4 Kimberly // Mar 2, 2009 at 12:29 pm
I think you might be overreacting a little bit – how much wear is he putting on this car? I feel like you must be annoyed for some reason other than the costs.
That said, if you want him to fill up the tank, ask him. It’s not fair to silently resent him for something like this if you haven’t at least tried to resolve it straight with him, no?
5 LAL // Mar 2, 2009 at 1:12 pm
Sara, sounds good.
FW, we’ve got an automatic and manual so it doesn’t matter. All three of us drive either or.
Barb, if he’s in an accident he’ll pay for it. That was already cleared when we put him on the insurance. We discussed that much, and the deductible is $500.
Actually Kimberly, we were gone over president’s day weekend and he borrowed the car to go skiing and put on over 500 miles that weekend alone.
And he does take it to drive 1 hr or around 60 miles one day to go hiking at a national park. It is not an insignificant amount. He’s driven it more than I have, if you consider he’s borrowed it every weekend in February.
7 dogatemyfinances // Mar 2, 2009 at 6:57 pm
It sounds like you don’t even have a functional level of communication. Can’t you just ask him to fill up the car when he takes it?
8 amy // Mar 2, 2009 at 9:47 pm
Were I in your situation I would explain nicely to him that for financial reasons you are going to have to take him off your insurance on (insert date here). That you’re sorry but it’s just not going to work out. This will be super uncomfortable I am sure, but is it really your responsibility to provide this person with a car? Can’t he take the bus or catch rides to parks with his friends? Or ride his bike?
You probably made this arrangement with him because you are nice people and he is your friend, but from your description it seems like he is using the car for fun, and not for necessity (like it’s the only way he can get to work).
So, I’d bite the bullet. But good luck to you either way.
9 paranoidasteroid // Mar 2, 2009 at 9:57 pm
I would keep the car running on vapors and next time he asks say, “Sure, but you’ll probably have to fill up the gas tank.” Repeat until your roommate stops borrowing your car because he thinks you’re mooching off him.
10 David // Mar 2, 2009 at 10:19 pm
When I was younger and just got my license, I couldn’t afford my own car so I used to borrow my parents’ car. After a few weeks of borrowing the car, my parents decided it was time to lay down a few rules.
1. Always fill up the tank after borrowing the car – it wasn’t mine and I needed to remember that
2. If the car was within 100 miles of an oil change, I had to change it (well, pay for it anyway)
3. Since I was driving the car a third of the time I had to pay a third of the insurance
Next time he asks, tell him that he has been borrowing the car a lot recently and if he wants to continue to borrow it there are a few rules.
If he is as good of a friend as he seems to be (judging from the post) he will understand.
If he doesn’t agree to the terms, you don’t have to keep lending him the car.
11 JoeP // Mar 2, 2009 at 10:20 pm
I never lend out either of our vehicles. I’ve had issues with lending, so it isn’t worth it. I never borrowed, but when I needed a special vehicle, I’d sometimes ask the owner if he or she could drive and I’d repay with food or money.
I’m sure it’s more complicated than this, but I’d be tempted to tell your roommate: “Get your own car.” You don’t need a reason to come right out and say it, do you?
12 fengshui // Mar 2, 2009 at 11:08 pm
I can’t relate, I need my car and if someone took my car for the weekend, I’d feel lost…. I often go out on my own w/out my dh on the weekends, so that would annoy me if my roommate had my car…. But, if they did, I would expect them to fill it up if they used more than 1/4 tank. If they just used it to run to the grocery store, I wouldn’t expect my tank filled up. I just think that it is a bad situation to be in, to have a roommate sharing your cars…. It just sets up a situation for a potential argument, etc.
13 pinko commie // Mar 3, 2009 at 2:15 am
Where’s the poll option for telling him no? Or telling him what you’d like him to do. I say get a backbone. Quit blaming him because you can’t communicate what you expect.
14 LivingAlmostLarge // Mar 3, 2009 at 9:00 am
Pinko you can leave a comment like you did. Actually right now we’re about to kick him out, well politely ask him to leave. Enough is enough. He’s been unfortunate in a few situations to have gotten shafted in moving out and now we are tired of the delay. Thus my DH by the end of this semester is talking to him for his negotiations class.
Like everything in life it’s not black or white. It’s hard to say no when you have a closer relationship with people.
So what’s going to happen? We will likely tell him to just fill up whenever he go out and that will make it easier on us and him.
And yes he also carpools with us to work. When I carpooled with another woman I gave her gas money.
15 Meg from FruWiki // Mar 3, 2009 at 10:14 am
I would loan a car to a friend in an emergency perhaps, but regularly would make me feel uncomfortable unless we laid down a plan — in writing, no less.
Does it cost you anything extra to have him on your insurance policy? If so, then he should pay that amount for as long as he’s on there. He should also pay for the gas he uses and, unless he’s paying for extra gas he’s not using, a set amount per mile for wear and tear. Car maintenance adds up FAST!
16 Barb1954 // Mar 3, 2009 at 10:23 am
LAL, if your friend is in an accident driving your car and the car is totalled, you have to buy a new car. Unless your friend is going to buy you a car, put a stop to his use of your car immediately! Stop trying to be so nice to him.
17 dogatemyfinances // Mar 3, 2009 at 10:53 am
This isn’t an MBA negotiation that needs to wait until the end of the semester. You just do it. You tell him that you don’t want him borrowing it anymore or that he has to fill it up. He has no bargaining power, you are in total control. It’s your car!
Honestly, if your DH considers this anywhere close to MBA-level negotiation, I fear for his business. I mean that in the most constructive criticism way possible.
18 JoeP // Mar 3, 2009 at 11:38 am
LAL: I had a friend like this once, and came to the conclusion that while it feels good being nice to someone who has fallen on hard times, eventually you become an enabler.
Dog is 100% right. And you must be having doubts about the situation, since you’re posting it here. Just go to him and say, “We’ve talked about the situation, and decided that you can no longer use our car. Hopefully, you’ve been able to use our good will to save up enough money for your own car. If this is unacceptable, you can move out.”
19 LivingAlmostLarge // Mar 3, 2009 at 11:59 am
Meg, no it does not cost us anything to have him on the insurance.
Barb if he wrecks the car he is replacing it. We’ve already discussed this. And he will replace the car or give us cash.
Dog, he has to take a negotiations class and has to pick something personal to negotiate. We don’t negotiate pretty much anything. What are we going to negotiate? A higher salary in this economic times? When we’re hoping to stay employed? After we’ve friends laid off by the dozens?
New home repairs, which we are doing ourselves because it’s cheaper.
Nope. There isn’t much to negotiate. We’re not buying a car, we’re not leasing a place, etc. Right now we are living pretty simply.
So he hasn’t got much else to negotiate. By the way our jobs are boring to boot. Oh and the negotiation is him moving out and setting a deadline.
JoeP, I think the problem is I want to know what is a reasonable expectation before sitting down with him. Part of the problem was it was never supposed to be a regular thing. Until recently it hasn’t. It was a very occasional thing. Now it’s become a lot more regular.
Which is why it has become an issue. It’s not enabling, because previously I would say he borrowed the car once a month.
And he has the money to buy a car, he chooses not to buy one. I believe that he will not buy one until he settles down in one place.
20 JoeP // Mar 3, 2009 at 12:32 pm
A reasonable expectation is whatever you define it to be. You are in control of the situation, aren’t you? You hold all the cards, right? There is no need to negotiate here, although it might be nice to give him reasonable time. Part of the negotiation will be that time frame.
And from my perspective, you are enabling. If he borrowed the car once a month in the past, and is now borrowing it more and driving longer distances, then you are providing conditions that he is exploiting. Sounds like he’s pushing the boundaries on your good graces, and hasn’t found a limit yet.
If you want to practice negotiation, here are some ideas. Go and buy something on criagslist that can be resold, and negotiate on both deals so you make a profit. Call your CC company and negotiate a better rate or an extension. Call your broadband provider and negotiate something like better speed or rate. Haggle at a farmers market over some vegetables or trinkets. Go to a pawn shop with some stuff you don’t want any more and see if they take the price you want. Take your roommate out to look for apartments and haggle a month free rent for him.
21 Barb1954 // Mar 3, 2009 at 1:19 pm
I agree completely with Dog and JoeP. Get real. This “friend” has abused your generosity and overstayed his welcome. Give him 30 days notice to find a new place to live and do not let him use the car again. Get some spine, girl! There’s nothing to negotiate.
22 Barb1954 // Mar 3, 2009 at 1:19 pm
Oh, and then to scare some smarts into you — go rent the movie “Pacific Heights.”
23 fengshui // Mar 3, 2009 at 6:34 pm
“Barb if he wrecks the car he is replacing it. We’ve already discussed this. And he will replace the car or give us cash.”
If you have full coverage insurance, then he just pays the deductible, correct? If just liability only, then he would give you the blue book price for it? But then that “ding” stays on YOUR insurance for having a totalled car, if full coverage, and on liability only if it was his fault.
24 LivingAlmostLarge // Mar 3, 2009 at 7:52 pm
We have liability only. Where we live the accident stays on the driving record not insurance. Points are tallied according to license. So we could kick him off then and not be affected by our insurance company. It’s a STATE law, not one I making up.
My DH has an accident and if we had separate insurances the accident would only be on him.
25 Barb1954 // Mar 3, 2009 at 10:10 pm
The thing to remember is that Blue Book value, depending on the age of your car, probably won’t be enough to buy you a new car.
26 Lynn // Mar 4, 2009 at 1:29 pm
Hmm. Seems a lot of people are very upset about this situation. LAL, you do seem to be overreacting too. A couple of thoughts for you:
1. He must have contributed gas money/put gas back in the car in the past when he’s borrowed it. I can’t imagine you let him borrow the car and financed his trips.
2. He went from borrowing the car app. 1/month to every weekend JUST this past month. Sounds like this is an extraordinary month and therefore temporary.
3. Ask him why he’s used the car so much. And if this is ‘permanent’ then tell him you expect him to cover the next oil change and/or whatever other routine maintenance you do.
Sheesh. This isn’t rocket science.
For the record, if I borrowed a friend’s car once in a blue moon I would fill it up. However, if I had an arrangement with a friend to borrow their car on a regular basis, I would replace the gas I used and occasionally would fill it up as an extra thank you.
27 LivingAlmostLarge // Mar 5, 2009 at 10:12 pm
I think it will be talked about when he gets the talk about moving out!
28 Kara // Mar 11, 2009 at 11:53 pm
I’m with the “sheesh this isn’t rocket science” comment.
I guess I don’t get what the problem is. And I certainly don’t get why some people are getting all bent out of shape in the comments about you loaning out the car either. It’s your car to loan or not loan. Good grief.
You put him on the insurance so he could use the car. You didn’t put any limits on how much he could use the car. Now he’s using it more than your comfortable with. So you say so. Waiting to “negotiate” it or whatever turns it into a bigger deal than it is and makes it confrontational. You just … SAY it.
“Hey Roomie. I noticed you’ve taken the car out every weekend this month. That’s cool, but since you’re using it so much, I need to get some money from you for the extra upkeep. I was thinking $$$ for gas and the cost of the next oil change/service.”
Quit overthinking it and just do it.
29 Kara // Mar 11, 2009 at 11:58 pm
Just a follow up … you said in your original post that you think if you borrow a car, you should return it with a full tank, no matter how far you drive it. Why do you expect that everyone else would automatically hold that same belief or feeling? Especially if they had never owned a car before and weren’t aware of the additional expenses involved around owning one.
One of the worst situations in my life came when my husband and I moved across the country and lived with my brother-in-law and his wife for 6 months. I asked ahead of time if we could have a list of “house rules” and was told that it wasn’t necessary – we were all family and we’d all understand how to get along. Except as the months went along the unspoken expectations got worse and worse and worse … on both sides … and ultimately nearly ruined the relationship between my husband and his brother.
My point? Assuming that others feel the same way you do about a responsibility and/or assuming that they know how you feel is a sure way to build resentment and destroy a friendship.
Simple communication is key.
30 LivingAlmostLarge // Mar 12, 2009 at 9:38 pm
Yep, actually my DH gets to negotiate it all for his class paper. The professor loved the idea because in negotiations it’s not about what you are negotiating. It’s the situation and people. And you want to be “friends” after with no hard feelings is A LOT more intricate than negotiating a business deal unless it’s with a friend/family.
Borrowing a car? - Personal Finance Forums - Mar 2, 2009
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