Yesterday, I talked about my first financial mistake. I mentioned I would have put buying a new car as a mistake but I couldn’t. Mostly because my parents gave me half the funds to buy the car. They attached severe strings to this gift, which I DEEPLY APPRECIATED. Thus I felt I could not turn down the free money.
My parents are lovely people. BUT they are VERY strict about who is “the boss”. If I take any money from them or lived under their roof I am subject to their rules. Even when I came home with my DH for a visit we lived by their rules. We slept in separate beds, curfew by 12 pm, and I had to “ask” permission to borrow my parents car to go out. This is when I was 22 years old. After all I was “staying” under their roof. This applied to all my siblings. They had pretty much the same rules even at 35! Yes my brother and his girlfriend were not allowed to sleep together.
Thus when they offered me the match for the car, it was with very specific rules. I could buy 2 cars. A honda civic dx model (no other model allowed) or a toyota corolla VE. It had to be two brands of cars, 4 doors, automatic (couldn’t save on a manual transmission for resale), and it needed to be the base model. That’s all they would pay for. My parents wanted to give me the money but only if they could dictate my decision. This is how they controlled everything. With money. I am not saying it’s wrong, but I learned the golden rule….”He who has the gold, makes the rules.”
So I could buy a used car and have no help. Or I could take the match and buy one of two cars they had predetermined as acceptable to them.
JoeP, suggested that I should have bought a car for $4k and saved $2k if my car had cost $12k and I had $6 and my parents $6k. Would this have been a good idea? Actually my car cost ~$10k, so it would have been $5k match and $5k savings.
So should I have bought a used car? Please I’d love to hear reasons along with votes.
Sorry, there are no polls available at the moment.
17 responses so far ↓
2 Rob // Feb 24, 2009 at 9:52 am
I think it would have been foolish *not* to go for the full match. A $10k car can reasonably be expected to be newer, more reliable, and safer. Since you went ahead with a new one, you get the added benefit of the full manufacturer’s warranty. $5k free money is foolish to pass up. And it’s not as if you took on a big loan to pay for this car – it was paid for in cash. So I say, good call.
3 Angie // Feb 24, 2009 at 10:50 am
A new car that cost you 5k (plus match) is going to be infinitely more reliable than a used one that you could purchase for 4k. You were probably able to keep it longer, spend less maintaining it, and sell it or trade it in for more than a car that was cheaper to begin with. Because of the match, you got a real deal on your car, and while short term it may have seemed better to save the extra thousand, in the long term, I expect that it saved you a lot more than that.
4 JoeP // Feb 24, 2009 at 11:01 am
When I stated my opinion, I didn’t know all the conditions. Now that you posted them, I’d agree with people here who said you made the right choice.
For what it’s worth, I am still a bit unsettled, though, about your parents’ control tactics involving money.
5 Fabulously Broke // Feb 24, 2009 at 11:02 am
With the match I would have picked the newer car as well. However, if they couldn’t really afford it but were trying to give you the best, then I may have been more sensitive and gone with a cheaper car.
Anyway, what’s done is done
It was nice of them to give you the cash and it’s really true – who holds the gold, makes the rules.
6 Little Miss Moneybags // Feb 24, 2009 at 11:18 am
Hmm. That’s a hard one. My gut instinct would be to pass up the match simply because I hate having strings attached to gifts like that, and my fear would be that my parents would continue to try to dictate my use of the car after purchase, since they had helped pay for it (I hope the title is solely in your name).
However, I sold my soul for a similar deal–my parents paid for my college, 100%, no need to ever pay it back…but I had to go to the school they chose. I’ve repeatedly questioned the wisdom of that decision, but in the end, the only student loans I have are for graduate school, and I can’t see any lasting harm done by attending a small religious university instead of a public one.
7 LivingAlmostLarge // Feb 24, 2009 at 11:19 am
Rob, at the time I was young and naive and wanted a new car.
Angie, it’s possible you are right the costs involved with a used car would have eaten up the savings.
JoeP, my parents are good people. They just believe in utter parental control. Very strict disciplinarians. Spare the rod, spoil the child. No rod sparing in my house. 6 years later when I married I refused help for my wedding because I wanted to avoid the control issues. But I was young.
FB, nope they could totally afford it. They were rolling in money. Still are. They could have paid for my wedding without blinking.
But boy, he who holds the gold does make the rules! Funny how it’s applicable to society now. The rich make the rules for the rest of us.
8 LivingAlmostLarge // Feb 24, 2009 at 11:26 am
LMM, the title was put solely in my name 100%. My parents after the purchase did not nag me about the car. It was done deal.
I had a similar deal with college. 90% paid, I had to take out the minimum stafford loans (to learn about valuing education), but they would pay the rest. I had to work to pay for my living expenses to the best of my ability. I had to maintain a strict 3.0 or better average (I made dean’s list almost every term anyway). And I had to finish in 4 years, I finished in 3 and change.
My parents were strict about guidelines and decisions. Also my parents had to approve my major! That was a big sticking point. I was allowed to double major but only if I finished early.
I paid the piper for my college degree.
9 JoeP // Feb 24, 2009 at 12:17 pm
There is a deeper philosophical discussion here, probably worthy of its own thread. It has to do with how parents educate their children with respect to important life decisions.
It sounds like some parents want to be the ultimate decision-makers, and gain leverage by the control of that great enabler: money. How free is a child when sanctions, limits, and control are handed off to the parents? I don’t know about the rest of you, but I learned a lot of important lessons by making poor decisions. I could have drawn my parents into more of my important life decisions, but decided rather to apply their guidance rather than simply accept their decisions.
On the other hand, there are parents who believe their purpose in life is to feed and clothe, and then you’re out on your own. There are kids who can use this to their advantage and go far, but in my experience, it is rare.
As parents, we want our children to succeed. We proactively guide them, but allow them to slip up. My hope is that they will know that we are always there for guidance and support, but they are responsible for ultimately making their own decisions. Since we started at a young age, I am pretty sure they will be independent enough to apply what they’ve learned and define themselves.
10 cam // Feb 24, 2009 at 12:35 pm
Am I the only one who thinks it’s ridiculous that your parent’s won’t let you sleep with your husband in their house? That’s beyond controlling… that’s… weird.
11 Sundance // Feb 24, 2009 at 12:45 pm
I think that you are very ungrateful. You have a choice, to either accept your parents help with strings or to stop whining and pay for it yourself. If you want to stand on principle, stop accepting money from your parents at all. And yes, they should have the right to dictate the rules of their own house. Don’t you have expectations of how people will act in your home? How old are you anyway? You sound like a spoiled teenager.
12 DebbieL // Feb 24, 2009 at 12:45 pm
I am assuming she meant they wouldn’t allow them to sleep together under their roof before they were married, but maybe I’m wrong. I agree it’s a bit weird not to allow a married couple to share a bed.
13 DebbieL // Feb 24, 2009 at 12:47 pm
Sundance – what the heck crawled up your butt? I see NO EVIDENCE of a spoiled teenager here. She is grateful for the gift, and merely describing the situation. Take a chill pill. And it is VERY strange to not allow married couples to share a room.
14 JoeP // Feb 24, 2009 at 12:56 pm
“But boy, he who holds the gold does make the rules! Funny how it’s applicable to society now. The rich make the rules for the rest of us.”
You clearly had choices with respect to for parents’ offer, so it was a situation from which you could have steered clear. By accepting, you agreed to play by their rules.
How do you come to the conclusion that “the rich” are making the rules in *your* life? And what income level to you consider someone to be rich?
15 LivingAlmostLarge // Feb 24, 2009 at 2:51 pm
JoeP, I agree that’s a different debate altogether.
Cam, this was before we were married. We were living together but not married. Thus we were an unmarried couple visiting one set of parents. Actually my in-laws also gave us separate rooms before marriage.
Sundance, was I complaining? I didn’t think I was, and I’m pretty sure the poster I wrote to specifically JoeP, would say I wasn’t complaining. Rather I was explaining the situation about why I chose the route I did.
I was not ungrateful. I told my parents thank you and took them up on their offer. If I had been ungrateful I would have been slapped in the face literally. Like I said, spare the rod spoil the child.
DebbieL, it was before marriage. We were in our 20s. My brother had the same rule applied though they were in the 30s. NO marriage = no sharing a bed under my parents roof.
JoeP, I consider probably someone making 7 figures rich. More like the heads of the companies. People in our government making the rules we all follow.
I don’t think I’m alone in saying that the CEO dictates how many people get laid off. Nor do I think I’m alone in saying that the board of directors decides how much the CEO gets in a golden parachute.
It’s the way it is. You and I, are not the majority shareholders. We aren’t rich enough to have a say. Unless you have Warren Buffet calling you up and saying you should downsize your department by 1 person!
But how much do you think insurance companies are paying to keep the current healthcare system in place? How much do you think pharmaceuticals fought against Medicare Part D? How much do you think the CEOs of the defunct banks made?
You and I certainly don’t get to change the terms of the laws or lobby for them.
How does Paris Hilton get off with 30 days in jail? Nicole Richie 3 hours? Lindsey Lohan 3 hours?
Why do they get a free pass that others don’t? Is it possible wealth? Fame? How do professional athletes get the best medical care? The team pays big bucks. They dictate what they can afford.
Nothing wrong with it, but come one. People from socialized nations come here because if you are rich, you can buy treatment. So money is power.
You jump the Queue. Even in the US, I admit to using my connections to see an othropedic doctor faster than normal. I also had my referral waived. Why? Money. I got an MRI and paid $0 out of pocket. How many people can say they paid $10 for their knee? Or $0 OOP?
16 MacLover // Feb 24, 2009 at 5:53 pm
My parents are strict too, LAL.
About the car, would your parents allow a match for a used car? Didn’t catch that.
My parents were also strict about college. Our family grew up poor so we were good about not spending our money frivolously. They paid for all of college. But when I worked at burger king in the summers of high school and one year of college. The money went all to them. I signed the checks over. College in return was free. Dental school was different, all loans by me. My parents would give me cash to spend on food and such every time I came to visit.
For college, I had to enter some kind of medical profession afterwards. And Dentistry was good with them. And I’m glad I went into it, good hours, good pay, and stable. And it’s actually pretty fun, but maybe I’m just weird
.
17 LivingAlmostLarge // Feb 24, 2009 at 10:32 pm
Nope. No used car. Two cars to pick from and that was it.
Part of the control issue was the fact I was living 3k miles away, not drivable. The only way to see me was a 6 hour plane flight. Thus they were concerned about me buying a lemon, a car that would break down and no one to help. They felt only a new car would work.
So no match on a used car because they were unsure if I could pick a good one. I had nothing realize, so I didn’t even have a clue about a good mechanic. And my parents didn’t want me bartering as well.
My mom banked all my working money for my car in high school and in college she made me pay my own way and watched over my “joint” savings account with her.
I was thinking about it. One reason I didn’t care about who picked out the car? Control issues?
I was happy to get 4 wheels. What I drove was unimportant. I was just happy to have something.
Penny wise or pound foolish? - Personal Finance Forums - Feb 24, 2009
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