So yesterday I wrote a post about my parents and what I got from them, today I’m going to talk about my in-laws. This two post series was spawned by Fabulously Broke writing a post asking “What did you get from your parents?” Which in turn was an offshoot from Stacking Pennies “What have you received from you parents?”
So yesterday I talked about getting a lot from my parents. But the shoe is on the other foot with my in-laws. Nope we don’t get nothing from them. If anything we are expected to pay them back for raising my DH. Yep, that’s what my MIL has said to us. That we “owe” them for raising him and spending all this money on taking care of him.
So my DH got to live at home while going to college. Sounds good right? Well he worked at his dad’s business since age 14, unpaid! My DH earned enough working during high school and college for his (computer networking), that he could have easily have paid for his college tuition and room and board. His dad would often get calls in the middle of the night and drag my DH instead of paying an employee. My DH did not get a free ride. He also worked and got paid on campus in his field of study. And since it was a public school it was only around $2k/semester. He paid for it 100%.
His mom limited their food intake. She would portion out a specific amount of food and that would be your meal. If you are hungry, go look/cook more food if there was any. Everytime we visit I’m starving, and I always buy more food. First time I ever visited, we bought groceries and my BIL who lived at home ate most of them because he was always starving. Apparently he’d try to eat before coming home because in their house, food was rationed. This diet should be given to everyone, it keeps you VERY thin. So I doubt my DH ate that much food, and by high school/college he ate out a lot with his own earnings from running a small business.
Finally, when I meet my DH, my MIL was using his name an SSN to shelter income from paying taxes. Yep. She had started accounts in his and his brother’s name and would hide income so they wouldn’t have to pay taxes. Sigh. It made his taxes very difficult because he couldn’t file them until she did all the paperwork for the “sheltered” accounts. This stopped the very first year we were dating, because I was helping him with his US tax forms and discovered this, and blew a fuse. I said it was immoral and it had to stop. He called his mom and told her no more. She blew a gasket and said he was being stupid. Yep my MIL got my DH to cheat on his taxes. I am not proud of this and neither is he. Looking back, he feels it was wrong for his mom to have influenced him in such a way.
Finally, I hate when I see my in-laws. Basically if we go out to eat, or do anything we have to foot the bill. They never offer to pay. They expect us to pay for them and my BIL. We “owe” them for all the $$ my DH ate, utilities, clothes, etc. Also gift giving is not appreciated in my DH’s family so I don’t give them anything and I haven’t gotten a gift from them ever. Well except a wedding gift.
I don’t know if this will ever change. But like FB, my in-laws are a challenge. I guess this is why my DH makes faces when they call to visit. He knows it will set us back a pretty penny paying for everything.
So what did you get from your parents?
9 responses so far ↓
1 D // Feb 17, 2009 at 10:10 am
Wow! That is harsh. I get told all the time how blessed I am to have 2 sets of great in-laws. After reading this I know I am. Don’t see how you put up with it.
2 Andrea // Feb 17, 2009 at 2:27 pm
Sounds like staying in a hotel, both ways, would make everyone happier. So do you think they would they just not visit if they had to pay for a hotel stay themselves?
3 Fabulously Broke // Feb 17, 2009 at 4:29 pm
They sound a lot harsher than my parents, because I’m thinking of the food rationing *frightened*
I couldn’t survive in a household like that. My parents never limited food, but then again.. there wasn’t much food to begin with in the house – we bought things fresh every day which was a pain in the ass and I had to tell my parents to start buying deli meats so that I could make my lil’ ol’ self a sandwich when I got hungry.
Wow. They really sound like hardcore parents.
I also hate that SSN thing. My dad did something similar to us as children, opening accounts in our name. I forget what happened to the money, but I’m fairly sure I signed something when I was 10, that I don’t remember much about.
It’s why I’m avoiding my parents when I head back to Ontario, just this once.
4 LivingAlmostLarge // Feb 17, 2009 at 6:35 pm
You slowly learn to deal with them.
Andrea, if they have to pay for a hotel, all I hear is bitching and moaning. Plus they won’t pay for anything period at that point. Since they are “paying” to see us.
FB, I don’t get that sheltering taxes thing.
5 Kristy @ Master Your Card // Feb 18, 2009 at 12:47 am
I moved out of my parents house when I was 17 years old and that first year out, my dad claimed me on his taxes – which meant I got nothing. But, since we weren’t really on speaking terms, he wasn’t helping me financially at that point. It caused a bit of a fight because in my mind that was like stealing money from me. We finally came to an arrangement, but parents can be pretty funny when it comes to giving up that tax deduction. That’s a lot of money. In your MIL’s case, I can’t believe she got your husband to actually CHEAT his taxes. There’s a way to set an example! And rationing the food? Do they not have the money, or is she just hardcore?
Good luck with that!
6 Budget Save Buy // Feb 18, 2009 at 1:38 am
My upbringing sounds very familiar to yours. I think I was more conscious about trying to save money over the little things than my mom.
But your in-laws….woah. Is it a culture thing or something specific just to them?
7 Pearl // Feb 18, 2009 at 2:07 am
They sound like quite a cross to bear, but if you like your DH, at least you got ONE good thing from your in-laws, right?
8 LivingAlmostLarge // Feb 18, 2009 at 9:14 am
Kristy she cheated on her actually. It was to shelter money that was hers from the government. So she started accounts in my DH and BIL names and had them file taxes so they would be under the taxation limit and not pay taxes on it. It was just crazy. When he left the country, it was harder because he had to file a non-residency tax form and thus things became complicated. So he told her to close all accounts and stop opening things in his name.
No, his mom rationed food because she was cheap. It’s specific to them and not cultural.
Pearl, I did get one good thing. But they still are sending me to counseling so I have to pay for massive upkeep.
Unfortunately since we’ve never been back, he’s never checked his credit report back there or anything. So for all we know she still has the accounts open. He prefers not to confront her because she gets nasty about it. I guess if we ever move there, we might have some nasty surprises. Although he will show our legitimate residency in the US and filing of legitimate tax filings during those years. It would really suck though to toss his mom to the IRS.
Rich Life Carnival #33 | Rich Life Equals Better Life - Feb 23, 2009
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