Recently outed on the New York Times, in a funny expose, a group of girls called DABA (dating a banker anonymous) get together in person and on a blog to talk about life. I personally thought the article and blog hilarious.
So what’s a DABA girl? Well it’s a girl dating a guy in finance. Not just any guy in finance but a really well off guy in finance. Or at least as of 6 months ago a guy who used to be “well off”. You know what I mean. Power brokers who live in New York and make a lot of moolah.
So what’s so special about these ladies? Well basically they are trading their looks for being kept in style. A certain quality of life. They are dating these men because they have expectations of a “wealthy” lifestyle. And right now, times are tough!
Should we pity the men? Heck no. These guys know what they are buying. The girls are selling the goods, and the guys are buying them. It’s a business transaction plain and simple. Both sides I’m sure know the score. Living in a HCOLA, I’ve meet both the men and women in this transaction. ]
I know many women who won’t date a man who makes less than$100k and has a graduate/professional degree. And I know guys who make $100k+ with said degrees, who have requirements for height, weight, looks before they would consider a date. Does this make either sex superficial? I don’t think so. Why?
Because both people are being honest about what they want. The truth is, that to these folks there are “deal breakers”. So don’t both pitying either side. They knew what they were getting themselves into.
Apparently during times of recession, there are a lot more divorces amongst those in the finance industry. I wonder whose bailing? The woman because of lack of money? Or men because they can’t take the nagging?
13 responses so far ↓
1 Fit Wallet // Feb 8, 2009 at 12:17 pm
Well, you already know my opinion of the whole DABA thing from my blog post about it, but I think you’re right. If you want to date someone to get a “Bergdorff allowance,” then don’t expect much else from the relationship when financial times sour. The whole thing is just gross and beyond comprehension to me.
2 Kristy @ Master Your Card // Feb 8, 2009 at 4:07 pm
I disagree with you on the point of them not being superficial, but it really is both sides. Yes, they’re being up front and honest about it, but it is still superficial to be concerned with nothing more than money (on the girls’ part) or the looks (on the guys’ part).
That being said, I don’t feel sorry for either side in this mess. Frankly, I think it serves them right for being concerned with nothing but the petty. And to actually come out publicly with the “woes me” attitude is self-serving. shallow, and absolutely disgusting. Why don’t we show these women what REAL suffering is like. Why don’t we drop their butts in a third world country where food and water are a commodity and their shoes are made out of plastic bottles as opposed to the comfortable material these women are used.
Clearly, I’m not very sympathetic to their plight!
3 fengshui // Feb 8, 2009 at 11:55 pm
I agree… this is disturbing. And I presume that this is only an arrangement for “younger” women…. And I certainly hope that they save some of the $ instead of blowing it all on Manolo Blahniks and botox…..
5 Viv // Feb 9, 2009 at 11:35 am
You can be honest *and* superficial; they’re not mutually exclusive. And I think these folks are both.
6 LAL // Feb 9, 2009 at 12:15 pm
Perhaps it is superficial. But is it anymore superficial than looking for someone thin, tall, and built? Or whatever it is the rest of us look for?
I certainly am with my DH because I found him cute. So was that superficial? To say I’m going to date him because he has nice legs? Or he thought she has cute face, etc?
7 fengshui // Feb 9, 2009 at 12:23 pm
I think that it is superficial because it is basically prostitution…. But it is their right to engage in this type of relationship if they choose.
I mean, you love your hubby, and you also find him attractive. These people are just an arm charm and nothing more. A financial arrangement. And then these women can’t figure out why they get thrown to the curb once they hit 36 and their b/f hooks up with aa 22 year old and then process starts all over again…..
I also admit that my initially attraction to my hubby was a physical one. Then, we became friends. Etc.
8 LAL // Feb 9, 2009 at 12:27 pm
Let me say this. I went on a date with my DH because I found him attractive. I certainly did not sit and talk to him like a friend. It was physical attraction.
Thus was it superficial to go out on a date? That’s how I meet men, at a class, club, etc. I thought they were cute and they found me attractive and asked me or vice versa out.
So if most people ask someone out based on looks and not knowing much about them (ie not “friends” first), then are we all superficial?
9 fengshui // Feb 9, 2009 at 6:35 pm
LAL, wanting to date your hubby because he is attractive doesn’t make you superficial. Dating him solely because he makes $$$ and you expect him to “pamper” you with gucci, prada, manolos, day spa, you name it, then it IS superficial. You entered into a mutually respectful, loving marriage, not some type of “arrangement” of you putting out and him paying your bills and pampering you…..
10 LAL // Feb 9, 2009 at 8:55 pm
I would have to say we both “put out”. Although maybe some would say we don’t expect nice things because we weren’t genetically blessed like some of these women? Granted they have to work hard at “looking good”.
11 fengshui // Feb 10, 2009 at 12:22 am
But you married for love, right? Not for sex or material items in exchange?
12 LAL // Feb 10, 2009 at 9:57 am
I married for compatibility. I love him, but that’s only because we get along. I don’t think we have a super passionate, fiery thing. It’s more good.
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