Should you feel guilty for being prepared? I mean if you are prepared by having an emergency fund, little or no debt, and are saving for your future? Are you embarrassed by your success? Should you be embarrassed?
Do you find yourself being quiet about your situation? Or the current economic situation? Since more people are getting into trouble, if you’ve planned, prepared, or tried to does it mean you should be quiet? It would be too much like bragging or perhaps even guilt that you’ve lived within your means. That you choose a less expensive home, or a less expensive car.
I wonder do people reading this blog or other bloggers feel guilty over their success? Especially if they are becoming more financial secure. I know I feel guilty to some extent. I definitely rarely mention to people at work that I don’t have to work.
That if my DH and I had a child I could afford to stay at home without missing a beat. My income isn’t used to live on now. So hearing women talk about not being able to survive on one income, wishing they could stay at home, I feel bad even suggesting they could if they cut corners. But who really likes to hear that? Not many people. That the new car they drive is costing them the opportunity to stay at home. I drive a 99 Corolla and 00 Focus.
Or buying a townhouse instead of a SFH allowed us the opportunity to pay less than other people. So we made a few wise decisions. But then why do we feel guilt over our decisions? Why do we feel the need to hide our wise financial decisions and not make suggestions to others?
I think it’s because we still are stuck “keeping up with the Joneses”. That the reality of our situation is often harder to face than we let on.
So do you feel guilty from your success? Do you hide your success and instead comment on how difficult life is right now?
20 responses so far ↓
1 dogatemyfinances // Nov 25, 2008 at 9:21 am
About a month ago at work, some co-workers were talking about their crippling student loan debt. I had four roommates and ate mac & cheese for over a year to pay off that same debt.
I don’t feel “guilty” about doing that. But at the same time, I lied and said that my payment was $600/month (seemed average). In reality, I never knew what my monthly payment was because I always sent every spare penny I had to Sallie Mae.
I lied because it seemed rude, arrogant to brag about paying off Sallie Mae. The same kind of comments that drove me crazy from trust fund babies baffled by debt. So, I didn’t feel guilty, but I didn’t think it was any of their business.
2 Kristy // Nov 25, 2008 at 10:15 am
I feel guilty about it and I talk about the struggling economy. But we have been trying to cut back a little more just in case. DH and I know too many people who are getting laid off or are just getting by right now.
We are lucky/fortunate that we have been able to save and have an emergency fund. We can afford for me not to work for a little while, depending on the cost of health insurance. It is not ideal and not something we want to do, but we know that it can be done.
I feel bad for people, but you are right. Some of them have made poor decisions in the past.
3 SP // Nov 25, 2008 at 10:25 am
I don’t feel guilty, I feel thankful. I wouldn’t go prancing around saying I could afford to get laid off for awhile, and I feel bad for people who did not prepare, but I don’t feel guilty.
4 Pearl // Nov 25, 2008 at 12:14 pm
This sounds like a mild form of “survivor guilt,” like that experienced by people who survive a traumatic experience that others don’t survive.
That old saying, “There but for the grace of God go I,” says it well. Because even though careful planning and preparation may help one survive difficult circumstances, they are no guarantee against misfortune, and sheer luck has a lot to do with it. We’ve probably all made bad decisions in the past, and just lucked out that they did not cause serious harm.
As for making suggestions, my experience is that they are rarely wanted. People sometimes just need to vent. At best, if it becomes monotonous, you might try to redirect the conversation in a proactive direction by asking sympathetic but forward looking questions along the lines of, “That sounds like a tough spot to be in; have you decided what steps you will take to get through it?”
I don’t think I would get involved in being a “financial mentor” to people I worked with; the pitfalls of that just seem to many.
5 savvy // Nov 25, 2008 at 12:58 pm
I agree with dogatemyfinances. I don’t feel guilty about my ’success’ because I’ve worked for it. However, I definitely don’t go around flaunting that fact. Besides, my 401k is down 30+% just like everyone else’s.
I do realize that I am extremely blessed and that some are having a hard time right now. However, my sympathy is reserved for those whose circumstances are not of their own making.
6 fengshui // Nov 25, 2008 at 2:02 pm
I don’t think that I will ever have the luxury of not working at all when we have a child, because I am the benefits carrier. My hubby works for his family’s company and they don’t provide any benefits. So, until he finishes his business degree and gets a different job, I have to work a minimum of 60% FTE to keep the health, dental, vision, life, long term care insurances, and disability insurance. I do feel bad for not starting earlier in my life to prepare for an emergency, my hubby and I bascially lived pay check to pay check up until about 2-3 years ago when our wages increased and we also started to make smarter decisions. We do have an EF, and it is only about $8k, which is minuscule conpared to most of the bloggers on this site. Better late than never. My best friend and her hubby are filing for divorce right now, and I feel really badly for her. I don’t ever tell her that I have very little cc debt anymore, etc. Her and her hubby bought up rental properties in Florida when they were giving out mortgages to anyone with a pulse, and the values have plumeted and they have taken pay cuts/ not making commisions (they still make over $100k a year- but can no longer afford the mortgage payments and property taxes on all of the properties and their current home as well as $75k in cc payments)…… I feel bad for them, but I always know that they were being too risky.
7 Julie // Nov 25, 2008 at 2:34 pm
I like this article. I think a lot of people want to feel empathy and so they shut their mouth. I know that I do still need to work but that I have a good nestegg and am a bit more prepared than most. So I feel a bit like a know-it-all when others are talking about their dire situation. I tend to not pipe in unless they ask my opinion. Even then, I give them advice while trying show them I can relate. That is partly why I started my blog…so I could reach people and they can use the advice or ignore it and not have to worry about how they may sound. I just wrote a Soapbox article on Sunday about Keeping up With the Joneses….Check out my blog!
http://beefupyourpiggy.blogspot.com
8 Money Minder // Nov 25, 2008 at 8:17 pm
I don’t feel guilty, I feel thankful and a bit defensive. I keep our financial situation private – my blog is anonymous – We work hard and make conscious choices with our money. We all have to live with the choices we make
9 Barb1954 // Nov 26, 2008 at 1:11 am
I can’t hide our financial success because I’ve been unemployed for a year and we’re still doing fine on just my husband’s income. (I could have told you we were in a recession a year ago just based on the job market.) In fact, we’re doing so well that when I do get a job, I want to save all my income for house projects and more savings and investments. Like everyone else, our retirement accounts have taken a real hit since the first of the year. Our net worth is down by almost $100,000. But I won’t mention that to any of my friends because some have barely anything in retirement accounts at all.
One friend just showed off her new leased SUV last week. I asked her when she was ever going to buy a car because she keeps saying with each leased vehicle that she thinks she’ll buy it when the lease is up. I told her that I haven’t had a car payment in about 8 to 9 years. We bought our houses within a month of each other 19 years ago. She just refinanced hers “to live” since she had to take a cut in pay. I’m guessing that she either refinanced to take cash out of equity or to extend the length of her mortgage by getting another 20 or 30 year loan. Our house will be paid for in 5-1/2 more years because when we refinanced it was to always shorten the loan term when interest rates dropped. With the uncertainty in the job market, our plan is to pay our house off even faster.
I feel fortunate that we made some financial moves when we did and unfortunate by being so heavily invested in stock mutual funds. Thankfully we have 10 years before retirement. However, when I look at investing Roth money this year, I think I’ll buy some CDs at our bank. I’m tired of losing money. I feel especially grateful, however, that I’m married and my husband makes enough to support us. Many of my friends are divorced or are the primary breadwinner or benefit earner. I know it’s very stressful for them so I try not to talk about our good fortune.
10 Fabulously Broke // Nov 26, 2008 at 8:14 pm
I feel guilty, for sure. But then I feel grateful that I have the opportunity to pinch my pennies and still be comfortable instead of scrambling to pinch my pennies while $60k in debt
11 LivingAlmostLarge // Nov 27, 2008 at 12:30 pm
I am not surprised that most people don’t say much about their financial security or success. It’s hard to explain.
I am going to write a post about guests and their nosy questions later when I have time.
12 Andy @ Retire at 40 // Nov 27, 2008 at 2:02 pm
I do talk about my plans to other people, most especially my close friends. I suppose I’m different to a lot of you guys in that I’m just starting my journey rather than already being almost there. Besides, one of the reasons I’m telling others about my plans is so that they too can plan in the same way and therefore it will help them out for the future too.
Fingers crossed.
13 LAL // Nov 30, 2008 at 11:47 am
Maybe, but I think at 29, I’m really far from retirement. There is no way for me to retire at 40 unless things drastically change.
I don’t even have kids yet!
15 Sasha // Dec 1, 2008 at 5:45 pm
I feel guilty sometimes, when people comment that they know I can’t afford to do certain things because they know I am trying to save every penny I can. the fact is, if I spent they way they do I could afford to go out more. Instead, I am building my emergency fund and saving up money for school. I feel guilt when someone says they know I can’t afford something when I know that friend has no savings and I have thousands.
I also feel guilty sometimes because my grandparents left me money, so if I wanted to I could start grad school and not work. I don’t want to blow that money though, so I plan to work part-time the whole time.
16 fitwallet // Dec 1, 2008 at 10:44 pm
This was really interesting and inspiring. Thanks for the article and all the comments.
Even though we only have a little in savings and are financially FAR behind many of the folks I read about in the blogosphere (and my brother and his wife, for that matter), I feel fortunate that we’re able to live as well as we do. Many of our friends are not so lucky, or so prepared. If we keep it up, this time next year we’ll be putting away 25% of our net income into savings every month.
17 LAL // Dec 2, 2008 at 8:46 am
As long as you are moving forward it’s better than nothing.
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