What do you do when your spouse or partner rejects frugality? Or perhaps you reject frugality, though you aren’t into debt or living above your means? Why do you reject frugality? And do you reject all aspects of frugality or just specific areas.
I am a somewhat frugal person. Not 100% frugal all of the time. But part of it is because of my DH and part of it, is I don’t want to be frugal. For example, if I were truly frugal I would not have cable tv, a home phone, or high speed internet. I could live without cable, but I like it and my DH watches sports. We both have cell phones but we keep a home phone for emergencies and it’s part of the package. We could get rid of high speed internet because we get enough internet at work. But I wouldn’t be able to blog to my readers at night, only are work. Or I could try and catch a neighbor’s wireless signal. Or I could just work later to use the internet. These are the first things that come to mind when I think about how I’m “wasting” money and rejecting frugality.
The last is my DH getting his haircut at a cheap place. Previously I used to cut his hair, but he hated the mistakes and having to use a #2 cut all over to correct for my “rat bites”. So he rejects the frugality of cutting his hair at home and instead insists I budget for monthly cuts at $15/cut. I agree because he rarely asks for anything, but I find it interesting that he would choose to bring lunch to work daily and yet spend $15/month on a haircut! Granted he had a scarring occasion when I cut his hair and he has been immortalized forever as “the monk” by people he worked with.
I wonder what makes us reject frugality either occasionally or as a whole? Do we consciously do it, like my DH’s haircuts? Or is it something we accept as “necessary” and justify it like a cellular phone, cable, high speed internet?
Do you reject frugality or do you embrace? Or are you like me, and it depends on the nature of the frugality?
11 responses so far ↓
1 Fabulously Broke // Nov 21, 2008 at 9:54 am
Depends on the nature of frugality.
I won’t give up my internet. Period.
And now I’m starting to see the benefit in a GOOD haircut because I can now go 6 months without doing my hair and it always looks good instead of bland and boring.
But even if I had to scale back, I’d still keep my internet…
2 Fabulously Broke // Nov 21, 2008 at 9:55 am
I won’t give up my internet.
Gave up TV and a home phone, but not my internet. I could even give up my cellphone and share the home phone with BF but I like having my own number plus I have a fab plan.
I also am seeing the benefit in a really good hair cut…. even if it cost $90 last time.
But I think of it as balancing karma because my haircut before that was $0. So it’s like $45 each time instead of $90 if you think about it.
(I did laugh out loud at The Monk comment… hahahahah… your poor DH…)
3 Fabulously Broke // Nov 21, 2008 at 9:57 am
Oh and I’m linking this
4 Kristy // Nov 21, 2008 at 10:40 am
It depends on the nature of frugality. I won’t give up my cell phone, but we don’t have a home line. I also don’t think that I would give up my internet. I could give up cable, but DH would have a fit!
5 Meg from FruWiki // Nov 21, 2008 at 1:16 pm
Like FB, it depends. The internet is staying, as is my wardrobe.
However, I think that overall my husband and I are very frugal. And I’m very glad that we’re in it together — especially since we both started out as spenders. Back then it was way too easy to say “yes” to each other’s wishlists. We tried just saying “no”, but that didn’t work because we felt bad. But then we started saying “yes” to frugal choices, like going for walks instead of renewing our gym membership and using cloth towels instead of paper and now frugality is a lifestyle that we enjoy living.
Fortunately, our roommate is also fairly frugal. She doesn’t use credit cards, so she’s forced to a certain level of frugality even though she lives paycheck to paycheck. However, I get a sense that she feels that what I call frugality is “living poor” to her. So, she’s not as into pinching pennies as we are. It doesn’t affect our budget much, but I wish for her sake that she would pinch a few more pennies so she could have things like savings, an emergency fund, retirement, and money for education (including paying back student loans).
I think her reaction is pretty typical, but I don’t think that there’s anything that we can do other than be a good example. I think the only way people come to true frugality is not when they see the pinched pennies make dollars, but rather when they see that they can live a full life with less waste, when they value quality over quantity, and when they decide that they don’t want to be slaves to shopping. And that’s certainly not a poor life.
6 frugal zeitgeist // Nov 21, 2008 at 1:57 pm
You know, I think it depends on what your concept of frugality is. Many people think of it as consistently picking the cheapest option. I think of it as using one’s money to make choices that align with one’s values. I just wrote a couple of posts agonizing over whether to drop $125 on a new down coat for winter. In the end, I decided to do it. Is it the cheapest thing I could have done? Decidedly not. After a lot of consideration, I decided that buying a good coat that will keep me warm in New York winters and last for years is a more frugal choice than continuing a succession of rotating cloth coats every five or six years that will just perpetuate freezing my ass off. I’ve done that for fifteen years, and that’s quite enough.
I also decied that buying the coat new was a more frugal choice for me than going out to thrift stores and consignment stores to find a used one. I probably could find something acceptable if I did that, but in this scary economy, I’d rather keep on working 60+ hours a week and perform well at my job than divert some of my non-existent free time away from exercise and sleeping to prowl around secondhand stores. For me and my particular lifestyle, that’s a frugal choice.
7 Abigail // Nov 21, 2008 at 4:39 pm
I think the mistake comes in thinking of frugality as a solid bloc of people and choices.
There are various levels of frugality. And people can disagree about what those are, just like any other trend.
My husband and I could technically do without cable and save around $50 a month. But we’re both home all day every day. So we choose to make that one of our indulgences. And we have Blockbuster Access as another form of entertainment to keep us from going out all the time.
We need our cable internet because I have at-home that requires a fast connection. But we don’t always cook at home. Yesterday, hubby had a really awful day dealing with some disability issues related to ADD. It was sort of shoved in his face in the name of helping him. Very debasing and I remembered it too well. So we found a way to get him the food he wanted, which was Red Robin. This time, we simply asked a relative to take pity on us, but if that hadn’t been possible, I would have still taken him. He needed to get away from things for awhile.
And, as others have pointed out, frugality isn’t always the cheapest option. I’d rather invest an extra $100 in technology and then keep it past any reasonable expectation. I’d rather invest in better quality items and then wear them down to a nub.
I think frugality is about spending conscientiously rather than blindly. Your husband is willing to take his lunch to work to save money. But he now draws the line at home haircuts.
8 Abigail // Nov 21, 2008 at 4:43 pm
I think the mistake comes in thinking of frugality as a solid bloc of people and choices.
There are various levels of frugality. And people can disagree about what those are, just like any other trend.
My husband and I could technically do without cable and save around $50 a month. But we’re both home all day every day. So we choose to make that one of our indulgences. And we have Blockbuster Access as another form of entertainment to keep us from going out all the time.
We need our cable internet because I have at-home that requires a fast connection. But we don’t always cook at home. Yesterday, hubby had a really awful day dealing with some disability issues related to ADD. It was sort of shoved in his face in the name of helping him. Very debasing and I remembered it too well. So we found a way to get him the food he wanted, which was Red Robin. This time, we simply asked a relative to take pity on us, but if that hadn’t been possible, I would have still taken him. He needed to get away from things for awhile.
And, as others have pointed out, frugality isn’t always the cheapest option. I’d rather invest an extra $100 in technology and then keep it past any reasonable expectation. I’d rather invest in better quality items and then wear them down to a nub.
I think frugality is about spending conscientiously rather than blindly. It doesn’t mean that you never buy a new TV. It means that you do your research and save up money before buying. Then you keep it for a long time.
And in this case, your husband has evaluated his options and drawn a line. He’s willing to take his lunch to work to save money, but not home haircuts. (And, frankly, $15 a month is pretty paltry compared to taking lunch.)
I know a very frugal lady who still indulges in nice haircuts and colors her hair. She also invests in quality shoes. But she doesn’t care much about always having new clothes. It’s just about prioritizing.
So don’t think of it as rejecting frugality. Think about it as picking your battles. Otherwise, burnout is ensured.
9 fengshui // Nov 22, 2008 at 2:35 am
But then we started saying “yes” to frugal choices, like going for walks instead of renewing our gym membership and using cloth towels instead of paper and now frugality is a lifestyle that we enjoy living.
Hubby and I spend $59 a month on a couples gym membership, and it is close to our home. In the Wisconsin winters, I won’t “go for a walk” and I know it. Last year we had over 100 inches of snow, and let me tell you that when there is ice on the sidewalks with 2 feet of snow covering it, it makes it impossble to jog, etc. And, it just plain SUCKS to get all bundled up and go out into the frigid arctic air. I’d rather slip on some yoga gear and do yoga for an hour in the warm gym, or walk on the treadmill in shorts. So, some things we won’t compromise on. If we lived in California or somewhere warm, then it would be more realistic to skip the gym membership. And, I also agree with others. I refuse to get rid of internet. We pay $20 a month for wireless DSL and it is fast, and good enough. We have HD cable, which is like $90 a month and hubby pays for it/ INSISTS that it is necessary. We have a shared cell plan, where I get a 21% government discount on, so it is about $90 a month for the 2 of us. Pretty expensive when you add it all up…… But, we feel that it is worth the splurge.
10 Mary@SimplyForties // Nov 24, 2008 at 7:14 pm
Mostly I embrace frugality but I certainly have my “things”. I hate to be cold and am hoping I can keep my thermostat turned down this winter. I doubt I will give up on long hot showers even though I know they affect my bottom line. Funny that is the same answer I’d give if you asked about embracing “green-ness”. I have some friends who completely eschew frugality and seem to be making a point in doing so. More power to them but I never quite get why someone would want to spend more on something they can get for less!
11 LAL // Nov 30, 2008 at 11:49 am
I too have HD cable. My DH adores it for sports. I also have internet at home, but then I wouldn’t be writing this if I didn’t.
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