How should you deal with finances before marriage?  Is there a line between marriage and just being in a relationship?  I think there is a definite progression in a couple’s finances before and after marriage.

First, when do you start talking finances?  I did a poll a few years ago and most people said when the relationship became serious.  But serious is different for everyone.  It could mean when you are exclusively dating it’s time to open up and share.  To others it means not until you get engaged.  To others it means when you start talking marriage.  I personally think it’s when you start talking marriage and a future together.  Until then you don’t “owe” the person you are dating an explanation or complete picture of your finances.

Second, once you are serious and have discussed finances, does it actually matter if you are in debt or have substantial savings?  I think yes and no.  If you have shared values whether they be spending in debt is okay or getting out of debt is the important factor.  But whether you are or aren’t in debt isn’t the issue.  It’s how you are dealing with it and how that aligns with your partner.

Third, should you mix money before marriage?  I think it depends.  If you move in together perhaps it would be beneficial to start a joint account while still keeping separate accounts.  However if you live separately it might not be necessary.  Also it depends on if you plan on keeping money separate after marriage.

One thing to consider is what happens if you keep money separate but one person loses a job or wants to stay at home with children?  Does money become automatically joint or do you continue to have seperate accounts?  And what happens to the person without an income?

I guess the main thing about finances before marriage is discussing it.  Knowing whether you are both on the same page and heading in the same direction is important.  And while you shouldn’t do it too soon in a relationship, it should be done before you get engaged.

Tomorrow…should you accept large gifts from the parents?