Comments on: Boomeranging home?

By: karla (threadbndr)

karla (threadbndr) — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 20:49:45 +0000

My son will be boomeraning back to live with me in July when his enlistment is up while he goes to school on the GI bill. I expect him to help with utilities and grocery bills. He always did his own laundry from high school on and all the adults and older teens (from about 15 on) share housekeeping and cooking responsibilities in our household. He hasn’t had a curfew since he turned 18, btw.

We generally get along very well – it’s more like having a roommate when he’s home on leave (which is usually at least a couple of weeks at a time).

By: Stacey

Stacey — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 14:05:57 +0000

“His girlfriend wants to get married and have him move out. Well he doesn’t want to… But when you don’t pay rent, do nothing to help, and can blow all your money, why should you?”

Umm… it’s this little thing called independence and pride? I’m not criticizing you! But does no one care about becoming an adult any more? You’re probably right, a lot of it has to do with parents not wanting to let go of their babies.

It’s funny, I brought this up with my mom yesterday. She reminded me that “having children” should really only be a temporary situation – after about 20 or so years they grow up, move out, and you can be proud that you raised them right. I guess we’re in the minority of mother-daughter relationships.

By: LAL

LAL — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 13:39:17 +0000

His girlfriend wants to get married and have him move out. Well he doesn’t want to. An who would? It’s a cushy situation. If his parents made it a bit difficult, for many parents if they made it at all hard to live at home, then kids wouldn’t.

But when you don’t pay rent, do nothing to help, and can blow all your money, why should you? If his parents pushed a little, maybe he’d move out and his girlfriend (this is second hand from her) would be happy because he’d grow up.

Personally, I don’t know why anyone is with someone so childish.

By: Meg from FruWiki

Meg from FruWiki — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 04:13:00 +0000

Hey, if you know that guy well enough to say that or certain, then I’ll take your word for it. However, not knowing him personally, I wouldn’t jump to conclusions just based on the fact that his mom cuts up apples or him and that he lives at home.

While most guys don’t *need* their moms to cut up their apples, there are a lot of moms who really enjoy being able to do things like that for their kids even after they’re grown up — especially if it makes them feel needed or reminds them of when they used to do such things for their kids when they were young. My mom and my mother-in-law both would probably both easily qualify as that type of mom.

So, I could definitely see a situation where a guy helped out his mom, but she did nice little things like that for him as well.

By: LivingAlmostLarge

LivingAlmostLarge — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 01:57:53 +0000

If your parents are cutting your apples, I don’t think you are doing laundry, cleaning, or paying rent. Actually I know so. AND when your girlfriend moves in to mooch as well, you might as send back your adult membership card.

But seriously, yes it can make sense. But what 31 year old guy needs his mommy to cut his apples? And my roomie admits his moving back home is only because he will be coddled and cared for by his mom. Not because he has to, but he wants to be pampered. (honestly who doesn’t?).

If my parents treated me like a queen I’d never leave either. If my parents did laundry, no rent, cooked, cleaned, no rules, then who wouldn’t live at home?

By: Meg from FruWiki

Meg from FruWiki — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 19:11:24 +0000

Hi Alex! I got married as a young college student, too. While marriage has it’s own complications, it is wonderful to have a supportive spouse. My husband graduated college right before we got married and his income allowed me to focus on him and school when a lot of our friends had to drop out of school because they just couldn’t do it alone. I’m glad we didn’t wait till after college as many people suggested since combining our expenses and finances early on helped us out quite a bit. While combining finances isn’t a reason to get married, of course, it can be a good benefit.

While I love my mom dearly, I’m very glad that neither of us have had to move back home — though it’s very comforting to know that we’re welcome to if ever the need arises.

By: Alex

Alex — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 06:06:57 +0000

Interestingly enough, I did things completely backwards from the increasing norm of boomerangers. I went to college (I’m STILL in college) and I got married 6 months ago. I’m 21. And I love it. And even if I weren’t married, I’m with you: I’d never go back home! I love my parents to death, but they will always have the tendency to give me rules when I’m under their roof. So no thanks. I think I’ll make my own choices now. It’s a great learning experience!

But I know the type you’re talking about. But I feel that there are two categories of Boomerangers.
The first would be the ones who just can’t get life together, so they return home to the people who accept them for who they are. These people are the ones who have trouble with dishes and laundry piling up in the corners of their pricey apartment.
The second are the people who are just in “limbo” or some sort of transition where they just need a cheap place to bunk while transitioning to another station in life. We just have to hope that they have the intention proactively search for the next stage, and not just sit waiting in the comfort of their parents’ home.

I’m glad I got married young. Wow have I learned a lot. About myself. About relationships. And about personal finance! My husband and I have started this blog called http://www.financialnut.com and we’d love for you to visit sometime!

Thanks for such an interesting post. I really enjoyed reading and putting in my two cents’ worth!

By: Meg from FruWiki

Meg from FruWiki — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 02:39:46 +0000

I don’t see a problem per se with living with parents. After all, an extended family living under one roof used to be the norm — and still is many places. It can be a great way for the family as a whole to save money. After all, the parents can benefit from rent income, someone to do extra work around the house, and personal care if they have medical problems that require it. And of course, some parents and their kids actually do want to spend more time together ; )

However, adult children should pull their weight. I don’t have a problem with the guy’s mom preparing him apples if she wants to do that, but he better be helping her out, too — if not financially, then by helping out around the house. Of course, he should probably be doing both if he can.

By: ScribblesNZ

ScribblesNZ — Tue, 11 Nov 2008 19:10:54 +0000

I think that you are over simplifying the matter. I lived out of home for five and a half years while I did my first degree and started working in the “real world” (2 years). I boomeranged home at the beginning of this year through a combination of a serious relationship breaking up (needing somewhere to stay) and being in the middle of some post-grad study. Since then my mum has been diagnosed with a serious illness so I have no doubt that this is the right place for me to be. I was self-sufficient at 17 and will be again… I don’t think moving home prohibits you from learning those life lessons – sometimes it just makes sense.

By: Jim ~ mydebtblog.com

Jim ~ mydebtblog.com — Tue, 11 Nov 2008 17:52:49 +0000

I enjoy getting away from parents and being independent. To me, moving back in with parents after college should only be used as a stopgap. I think adult children shouldn’t continue to be dependent on their parents, nor should parents be enabling their children. I understand the logic behind people who talk about benefits like paying off debt or saving for a house down payment, but you didn’t do it alone. I would rather choose independence instead of having to find a reason or justification to do otherwise.