18 responses so far ↓

• 1 Kristy // Nov 11, 2008 at 8:38 am

  I think there is a huge difference between living at home right after college for a year or so versus living on your own for several years and then moving back home.

  We are more irresponsible not because our parents help us out, but because they do EVERYTHING for us.

  I lived at home after college for 10 months, but I paid rent and did my own laundry. I ate there when my parents cooked, but mostly I just had a bed to sleep in. When I got married, my dad gave me a check for all the money I had paid in rent. He never used it but wanted me to get used to paying bills.

  My brother on the hand……well, that’s another story!

  I have few friends that live at home still and those that do have racked up all kinds of debt. I do think that kids/rather adults should be on their own and learn how to do things for themselves. But I also think that living at home for a year after college is not bad either. I actually disliked living at home after college, probably because my brothers are 10 years younger than I am!

• 2 Stacey // Nov 11, 2008 at 9:35 am

  This is so ironic, because my husband and I are the odd couple out in our family - we DIDN’T move back in with our parents, while all the other cousins did.

  I don’t think I could stand living under someone else’s rules, sharing a kitchen, ect. after 4 years of college and 2 years of being a homeowner. But more importantly, we’re both very responsible and have learned how to juggle bills, prioritize our time, and take care of our home.

  Of course, we’re the “bad” kids because we don’t visit our parents every night, like our cousins do. (They still live at home, it’s not “visiting,” dearest MIL!) It’s crazy how the entire “leaving the nest” philosophy has been turned on its head, and I really think it’s turning our generation into irresponsible adults who can’t cook or do their own laundry. How sad!

• 3 Erin // Nov 11, 2008 at 9:42 am

  This is very cultural. Here in Latin American, most children live at home until they get married… yes, even the 40+ bachelors!

  There are two big differences, at least in my opinion. The first is that children do not go “away” to college - most families can’t afford to pay room and board, so kids live at home while they attend university. The second big difference is that parents generally see their adult children as just that: adults. There’s far less of the “my house, my rules” mentality, so adult children have more freedom to do as they please. Still, it’s not something that I would choose!

  My boyfriend and I are moving into a new house in about 2 weeks. He’s 31, and it’ll be his first time living away from his mother. She’s sad, but has accepted it… though only after offering to let us live rent-free with her! Thankfully, she’s a fantastic MIL, and it will be lovely to have her come stay with us once in awhile, if only to assuage her separation anxiety.

• 4 Amber C // Nov 11, 2008 at 9:54 am

  I would never have been able to move back home after college. But I would allow my sons to move back home after college. One is a college student now. If my son were married I wouldn’t let him live with me. If you are old enough and responsible enough to be married you can take care of yourself.

• 5 Angie // Nov 11, 2008 at 10:15 am

  I think being a boomerang can be good or bad depending on how you work it. I moved back home after college. The job I had was not going to become full time, and I needed to find a better paying job in order to support myself. My parents and I agreed that 6 months to find a job and save up a cushion of money would be helpful. I paid my own bills, did my own laundry, and often cooked for the whole family. I ended up staying 10 months because I got engaged and my parents told me not to waste my money moving into an apartment when I would be leaving the city a few months later for marriage.

  Ten years later, I am still able to look at that time and be truly grateful for what my parents did for me.

  I have friends who moved home and fell back into child mode, but I think it’s possible to avoid that if you have clear rules and regular dialogue about the situation - including an appropriate time table for how long they are going to let you live there.

• 6 Kim A. // Nov 11, 2008 at 10:15 am

  My oldest son is a senior in college and lost his dad (my ex) this summer. He is going to live with Uncle Sam after he graduates (Navy OTC). My youngest on the other hand is a wild child and doesn’t like our rules so his is living with his gf family. Both are adults but both are at different places in their maturity level. I’m 46 and like my peace and quiet and semi-routine so if they want to come and visit..great..but outside of a major problem..mom likes to remember the umbilical cord was cut when they hit 18!

• 7 SP // Nov 11, 2008 at 11:10 am

  I was going to point out that in many cultures, this is 100% normal. There is a difference between moving home and expecting it to be like high school - mom and dad cook for you, do your laundry, etc, and just being allowed to live at home for low/no rent to get a jump start in life. It also depends on if your parents actually expect you to live under their “rules”, or if they respect the fact that you are an adult.

  It really isn’t something I considered, as the jobs aren’t where my parents are. But I think you were too hard on people who make this choice.

• 8 Beth // Nov 11, 2008 at 12:05 pm

  My boyfriend and I are living with his father. This has been fantastic for me. I lived alone for about 7 years while putting myself through college and entering the work force. Living with my boyfriend and his father has allowed me to pay off all my debt (excluding student loans) and to begin saving for a house. My boyfriend has always lived with his father but is very responsible with his money. I realize that when we do move cost of taking care of oneself will be a shock to him. But I’m pretty sure it will all work out, I don’t think his father has ruined either of us and I’m very grateful to him for the time to get back on my feet.

  This is my opinion and there are probably situations where you are right, but each situation is different.

• 9 Jim ~ mydebtblog.com // Nov 11, 2008 at 12:52 pm

  I enjoy getting away from parents and being independent. To me, moving back in with parents after college should only be used as a stopgap. I think adult children shouldn’t continue to be dependent on their parents, nor should parents be enabling their children. I understand the logic behind people who talk about benefits like paying off debt or saving for a house down payment, but you didn’t do it alone. I would rather choose independence instead of having to find a reason or justification to do otherwise.

• 10 ScribblesNZ // Nov 11, 2008 at 2:10 pm

  I think that you are over simplifying the matter. I lived out of home for five and a half years while I did my first degree and started working in the “real world” (2 years). I boomeranged home at the beginning of this year through a combination of a serious relationship breaking up (needing somewhere to stay) and being in the middle of some post-grad study. Since then my mum has been diagnosed with a serious illness so I have no doubt that this is the right place for me to be. I was self-sufficient at 17 and will be again… I don’t think moving home prohibits you from learning those life lessons - sometimes it just makes sense.

• 11 Meg from FruWiki // Nov 11, 2008 at 9:39 pm

  I don’t see a problem per se with living with parents. After all, an extended family living under one roof used to be the norm — and still is many places. It can be a great way for the family as a whole to save money. After all, the parents can benefit from rent income, someone to do extra work around the house, and personal care if they have medical problems that require it. And of course, some parents and their kids actually do want to spend more time together ; )

  However, adult children should pull their weight. I don’t have a problem with the guy’s mom preparing him apples if she wants to do that, but he better be helping her out, too — if not financially, then by helping out around the house. Of course, he should probably be doing both if he can.

• 12 Alex // Nov 12, 2008 at 1:06 am

  Interestingly enough, I did things completely backwards from the increasing norm of boomerangers. I went to college (I’m STILL in college) and I got married 6 months ago. I’m 21. And I love it. And even if I weren’t married, I’m with you: I’d never go back home! I love my parents to death, but they will always have the tendency to give me rules when I’m under their roof. So no thanks. I think I’ll make my own choices now. It’s a great learning experience!

  But I know the type you’re talking about. But I feel that there are two categories of Boomerangers.
  The first would be the ones who just can’t get life together, so they return home to the people who accept them for who they are. These people are the ones who have trouble with dishes and laundry piling up in the corners of their pricey apartment.
  The second are the people who are just in “limbo” or some sort of transition where they just need a cheap place to bunk while transitioning to another station in life. We just have to hope that they have the intention proactively search for the next stage, and not just sit waiting in the comfort of their parents’ home.

  I’m glad I got married young. Wow have I learned a lot. About myself. About relationships. And about personal finance! My husband and I have started this blog called http://www.financialnut.com and we’d love for you to visit sometime!

  Thanks for such an interesting post. I really enjoyed reading and putting in my two cents’ worth!

• 13 Meg from FruWiki // Nov 12, 2008 at 2:11 pm

  Hi Alex! I got married as a young college student, too. While marriage has it’s own complications, it is wonderful to have a supportive spouse. My husband graduated college right before we got married and his income allowed me to focus on him and school when a lot of our friends had to drop out of school because they just couldn’t do it alone. I’m glad we didn’t wait till after college as many people suggested since combining our expenses and finances early on helped us out quite a bit. While combining finances isn’t a reason to get married, of course, it can be a good benefit.

  While I love my mom dearly, I’m very glad that neither of us have had to move back home — though it’s very comforting to know that we’re welcome to if ever the need arises.

• 14 LivingAlmostLarge // Nov 12, 2008 at 8:57 pm

  If your parents are cutting your apples, I don’t think you are doing laundry, cleaning, or paying rent. Actually I know so. AND when your girlfriend moves in to mooch as well, you might as send back your adult membership card.

  But seriously, yes it can make sense. But what 31 year old guy needs his mommy to cut his apples? And my roomie admits his moving back home is only because he will be coddled and cared for by his mom. Not because he has to, but he wants to be pampered. (honestly who doesn’t?).

  If my parents treated me like a queen I’d never leave either. If my parents did laundry, no rent, cooked, cleaned, no rules, then who wouldn’t live at home?

• 15 Meg from FruWiki // Nov 12, 2008 at 11:13 pm

  Hey, if you know that guy well enough to say that or certain, then I’ll take your word for it. However, not knowing him personally, I wouldn’t jump to conclusions just based on the fact that his mom cuts up apples or him and that he lives at home.

  While most guys don’t *need* their moms to cut up their apples, there are a lot of moms who really enjoy being able to do things like that for their kids even after they’re grown up — especially if it makes them feel needed or reminds them of when they used to do such things for their kids when they were young. My mom and my mother-in-law both would probably both easily qualify as that type of mom.

  So, I could definitely see a situation where a guy helped out his mom, but she did nice little things like that for him as well.

• 16 LAL // Nov 13, 2008 at 8:39 am

  His girlfriend wants to get married and have him move out. Well he doesn’t want to. An who would? It’s a cushy situation. If his parents made it a bit difficult, for many parents if they made it at all hard to live at home, then kids wouldn’t.

  But when you don’t pay rent, do nothing to help, and can blow all your money, why should you? If his parents pushed a little, maybe he’d move out and his girlfriend (this is second hand from her) would be happy because he’d grow up.

  Personally, I don’t know why anyone is with someone so childish.

• 17 Stacey // Nov 13, 2008 at 9:05 am

  “His girlfriend wants to get married and have him move out. Well he doesn’t want to… But when you don’t pay rent, do nothing to help, and can blow all your money, why should you?”

  Umm… it’s this little thing called independence and pride? I’m not criticizing you! But does no one care about becoming an adult any more? You’re probably right, a lot of it has to do with parents not wanting to let go of their babies.

  It’s funny, I brought this up with my mom yesterday. She reminded me that “having children” should really only be a temporary situation - after about 20 or so years they grow up, move out, and you can be proud that you raised them right. I guess we’re in the minority of mother-daughter relationships.

• 18 karla (threadbndr) // Nov 13, 2008 at 3:49 pm

  My son will be boomeraning back to live with me in July when his enlistment is up while he goes to school on the GI bill. I expect him to help with utilities and grocery bills. He always did his own laundry from high school on and all the adults and older teens (from about 15 on) share housekeeping and cooking responsibilities in our household. He hasn’t had a curfew since he turned 18, btw.

  We generally get along very well - it’s more like having a roommate when he’s home on leave (which is usually at least a couple of weeks at a time).

Leave a Comment