Should the amount of money you have determine how many children you can have? A friend just had their first child. We were talking and she said she was extremely happy to be a mom. When we talked a bit she said she thinks they might want one more. But the cost of having a child was prohibitive and she felt as though they couldn’t afford it.
It got me thinking is that how people really decide how many children they have? They put a price tag on it and say they cannot afford more children because of cost? But then I heard from others the exact opposite. That children are only as expensive as you make them.
So which is it? Can you have as many children as you want irrespective of income? Or is there a limit on the number of children you should have because of your income?
Which lead me to conclude there are two camps of parents. Those who believe they can only afford an X number of children based on what they expected to spend on each child. These people often have expectations of providing college, better homes, a nicer lifestyle in general for their children.
Then there is the second camp of parents. Those who believe that it will all work out because having children is cheap. All you need is love. College is a bonus but not necesssary and neither is bedrooms for each child, etc.
So does and should money affect a person’s decision to have kids?
18 responses so far ↓
1 Erin // Sep 21, 2008 at 11:07 am
Wow, you really made that second option seem unappealing, like only horribly responsible parents would take that road.
That said, I think that money should be a factor when deciding to have a child. Parents need to take care of their children financially, at least by giving them the basics. That doesn’t mean a separate bedroom for each child (where would the world be if humans only reproduced every time they could give a child his own bedroom?) or a completely funded college account (working and paying off loans can teach quite a bit of responsibility).
I don’t have kids yet, but when I do, they will share bedrooms, pay for special items with their own allowance/side jobs, will eat basic staple foods, etc. I want to love my children without spoiling them beyond reason – that, to me, means a solid foundation without making life too easy.
2 fengshui // Sep 21, 2008 at 11:22 am
“It got me thinking is that how people really decide how many children they have? They put a price tag on it and say they cannot afford more children because of cost? ”
You can make children as expensive as you WANT it to be. You don’t have to spoil your children and pay full tuition at an ivy league college and private schools. They can wear hand me downs unti they are older and won’t out grow the clothes anymore. The thing that I really worry about is the cost of day care. I just can’t fathom paying $1k a month. DH and I could both fund our ROTH IRAs for that much! But, if we both didn’t work, then we wouldn’t have that extra $12k a year to find the ROTH in the first place….. It all comes down to priorities and choices.
I also think that if you can’t provide food, clothing,a nd shelter for your children, you shouldn’t have them or keep having more of them.
3 LivingAlmostLarge // Sep 21, 2008 at 11:54 am
Nope, I have no idea what a child will cost. I have to wonder though if finances limits the number of children people have? Is it finances that causes people to stop at 2 kids? Or is it because of time?
I know personally my SIL stopped at 2 children because they felt they couldn’t afford more. I know she wanted 4. I wonder why they didn’t go for it because financially they are pretty well off.
4 Ashley @ Wide Open Wallet // Sep 21, 2008 at 12:18 pm
I don’t think we could afford another kid. I mean, if I found out I was pregnant we would make due but it would make things tighter. Kids do need stuff… to say kids are only as expensive as you make them is true but only to a point. they NEED food, diapers, wipes, bottles (probably), doctor visits ect. Even used clothes cost money.
I think each kid costs less than the previous one. If we had another one now it would cost less than our second one did. We already have a big house, a mini van, experience to know that babies don’t need all the stuff they advertise on TV. But still, they do cost money.
And the fact that it would delay me going back to work by another 3 or 4 years is huge.
5 Meg from FruWiki // Sep 21, 2008 at 1:07 pm
I don’t have kids, but my husband and I have talked a lot about when/if we want kids and money has definitely come up as an issue. I know that kids can be raised well on a lot less than we would have. I was raised on a lot less and I think I came out alright.
However, I think it comes down to what sort of life we want for not just for our kids but also for us — as well as what sort of parent/children relationship we want (e.g. how available we can be as parents).
Frankly, there are some sacrifices I don’t want to have to make — and more that I don’t think I even could.
Even so, I do think that parents these days feel like they *have* to spend more on their kids then they really need to, filling up every hour of their schedule with expensive activities and buying them the latest & greatest of everything. Sure, everyone wants the best for their kids, but I know a lot of friends who have really had to earn their way through college and they appreciate it more, though it’s been tough. I think we’d try to help our kids out some, but I don’t see us paying their entire way. And yes, they can wear some second-hand clothes like I had to ; )
6 kit // Sep 21, 2008 at 2:11 pm
I think money should just be one of the list of concerns. I don’t like it when people act like the money will just *come* from somewhere, which usually means WIC, food stamps, tax breaks, and welfare checks. At the same time, I don’t think kids need to be as expensive as they’ve gotten to be.
I do wish people would think more about things like population issues, the reasons why they might actually want another child (are they just trying to have a child of a certain sex? save a failing marriage?) and to consider the potential consequences of rolling the dice again. I’m reminded of a family I knew in high school who had several children where every single male child was a Type 1 diabetic. I always considered it extremely irresponsible of them to keep breeding once it became clear to them that they were certain carriers of the genetic trait.
All that being said, I’m amazed when people put any effort into thinking about having children at all. Most of the time, it seems more thought is put into buying a TV or a car.
7 LivingAlmostLarge // Sep 21, 2008 at 2:28 pm
Remember the question, is it wrong to spend? I commented that it depends on how much money you make.
Well here’s a classic example. When you are starting out you think I won’t be able to pay for college. Then suddenly you have tons of money, for some reason, and can PAY 100% in full for college.
The question now is should you? Do you? Do you still think it’s “extravagent” to pay in full for college? Or do you do it because you can? And it’s more expected? And if you had known you were going to be able to do so much would you have had more children?
Where do you draw the line? Finances sadly are where many parents I think draw the line on the number of children they are willing to have.
8 fengshui // Sep 21, 2008 at 6:59 pm
“The question now is should you? Do you? Do you still think it’s “extravagent” to pay in full for college? Or do you do it because you can? And it’s more expected? And if you had known you were going to be able to do so much would you have had more children?”
I know of some people who made their kids take out loans and IF they graduated and did well, then the parents paid the loans off for them. I would be worried that I would pay for tuition and then my child would drop out.
I personally don’t intend to pay for EVERYTHING (tuition, books, rent, food, clothes, spending money, car, insurance) (like some of my friends had… ggrrr)….. I would expect my child to work summers and PT during the school year.
9 Kristy // Sep 21, 2008 at 9:02 pm
“Where do you draw the line? Finances sadly are where many parents I think draw the line on the number of children they are willing to have.”
I honestly don’t think its sad that people think about finances when it comes to having children. Like Ashley said, kids aren’t that expensive but you still need to feed and clothe them. The thrift stores still cost money.
Paying for college is really a personal choice that a family makes and I don’t see a problem if the parents have the money and want to spend it on their childrens education. We started a fund for DD and plan on starting a college fund for the next baby. We put money into DD’s account but probably not enough to cover her entire education. We prefer to make sure our retirement is covered first and then if we have the money we may pay for college. DH and I have differing views on that right now, luckily we have 15 years before we need to make a decision!
10 Barb1954 // Sep 22, 2008 at 10:50 am
My parents had four children and I cannot imagine not having my two younger sisters. Thankfully our parents didn’t have the birth control options we have today.
Parents today have inflated notions of what kids need. First and foremost, kids need love and your time and attention. After that they need food, shelter, clothing. They don’t need separate bedrooms and can share a bathroom with their parents. They don’t need video games, cell phones, and MP3 players. They don’t need private schools or Ivy League colleges. I’ll say it again, they need your time and attention. So for those of you who are unwilling to change your lifestyle or think your life won’t change or shouldn’t change when you have kids, then perhaps parenthood is not for you. Certainly your career will not advance as much when you have kids because you cannot put in the same kind of hours or travel as much for work unless you have your kids scheduled to the max in after school activities and one summer camp after another. I think it’s all very sad that kids don’t get to hang out with their friends and play anymore. Some of their schedules look as complicated and packed as their parents. Sure finances are a consideration in determining the size of your family but it shouldn’t be the only consideration. Determine first if you really want to be a parent and do everything you can to raise wonderful human beings. It’s your job, not the school’s or a day care’s or a care giver’s responsibility. When they’re adults, your children won’t care about the things you couldn’t afford to give them — only that you made time for them and they felt loved.
11 SP // Sep 22, 2008 at 11:14 am
My parents had 3 of us, and if you go by the first standard, maybe they could afford .5 children!
Personally, I’d rather exist and have to pay for my own college than for my parents to have stopped after my sister! But as others said, if you can’t feed/clothe and provide the basics, money should certainly be a big factor.
Great topic.
12 LivingAlmostLarge // Sep 22, 2008 at 11:42 am
I think that many people unfortunately do use finances to decide to have children. Whether it’s a good or bad barometer.
13 Meg // Sep 22, 2008 at 3:47 pm
Lots of times couples begin having kids when they’re still very early in their careers and don’t even know what they might be earning down the line. When both my parents were born (one of 4 and one of 5) they were very “poor” but they made do with what they had. Later each of my grandfathers founded a successful business and by the time my parents were in high school their families had plenty of money.
My opinion is that you can’t plan your family size around money – but you do have to plan your family’s lifestyle around money. If you can’t afford basic food, clothing, and shelter then you should try very hard not to get pregnant.
14 Meg // Sep 22, 2008 at 3:50 pm
Also, I have a cousin who is pregnant with her fourth child. All three of her children have disabilities that are the result of genetic issues that her husband has. They have NO income or money; they travel around doing mission work and living off the charity of various people and churches. They keep coming back to live with my aunt and uncle for periods of time, and they expect her to totally feed clothe and help take care of all 5 (about to be 6) of them, which is obviously pretty expensive.
My aunt is a very very religious woman, but she has had it with her daughter’s reasoning that “it must be God’s will” for her to keep getting pregnant. They have no way to support their kids, who need lots of care and attention because of their disabilities. They are making themselves a burden on others and are risking their family’s health and happiness.
15 LivingAlmostLarge // Sep 22, 2008 at 6:46 pm
Interesting that your cousin’s parents can continue to support her. Would the situation change if her parents were poor and unable to help her?
16 fengshui // Sep 22, 2008 at 9:54 pm
“Sure finances are a consideration in determining the size of your family but it shouldn’t be the only consideration. Determine first if you really want to be a parent and do everything you can to raise wonderful human beings. It’s your job, not the school’s or a day care’s or a care giver’s responsibility.”
You’re not bashing day care are you? To decide to put your child/ chilren in day care is every parents choice, and I’m sure that it isn’t one that is easy to make. Who really wants to throw $800-$2,000 down the drain for day care every month? But it comes to personal preference, family dynamics, family finances, etc. I’m glad that we have the option and finances for day care, and that I’m not EXPECTED to be a SAHM.
17 Bill // Oct 1, 2008 at 11:41 am
Great question! I think you’re conclusions are right on, but there may be a third “type” of parent — one that knows it’s going to cost a LOT of money, money that they may not have (yet), but that have them anyway.
Once you become a parent, it becomes very difficult to let money be your guide. My family has determined that we’ll work very hard (and smart) to get to where we want to go, even though daycare for our little ones cost us an arm and two legs!
We’ll “make do” but by planning, diligence, and really hard work and sacrifice.
18 LivingAlmostLarge // Oct 1, 2008 at 12:53 pm
Thanks and I just think there are planners and non-planners. And they get mad at each other. Planners think people should stop having kids and those who don’t plan think the planners are too uptight!
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