Why is it in our society aren’t we honest with each other about our finances? Why is it such a social taboo? I mean even previously I asked how soon into a relationship do you discuss finances? And most people agreed only when the relatationships gets serious, not in the first few dates. So we as a society deem sharing of finances as something very private and personal.
For some reason we don’t share our finances with our friends and family openly. We never mention what we make, what we spend, and what we owe. Rather we let our lifestyles speak for themselves. But why?
Is it shame? Possibly. Maybe it’s because we are afraid of people judging us for spending too much, living too lavishly, and oweing a lot. But if we shared our true finances wouldn’t we be better off? Wouldn’t we be less likely to spend ourselves broke?
Or is it guilt? That if we shared how well we were doing financially, large savings, huge paycheck it would be too much like bragging? That if we are doing well we feel guilty because it’s like we’re TOO successful and we should apologize for it? That if we have saved a lot then we’ll be told to spend more. Or if we work hard and earn a LARGE paycheck everyone else will make jealous comments?
It doesn’t seem like there is a balance between bragging and sharing. It seems that as a society we are stuck between envy and judgement. We are unable to really appreciate those who make a lot and save, and stop judging those who spend beyond their means.
Perhaps if we were more open and honest there would be less keeping up with the Joneses mentality because everyone knows everyone else’s real economic situation. And there would be less status attached to materialistic items because we’d know how much people really had. I don’t know what the answer is.
But the only place I feel comfortable enough to talk finance and be honest is here. So perhaps it’s time to break down the taboos and start being real.
14 responses so far ↓
1 dogatemyfinances // Sep 2, 2008 at 9:19 am
Indeed, this is exactly why I started my blog. Even my sweet fiance didn’t want to hear about it anymore.
2 JB // Sep 2, 2008 at 9:24 am
My brother asked me this weekend if I NEEDED my second job… and I told him the truth… “yeah, since the wife isn’t working… I need it”. He tried to offer support… but I felt belittled just because he knew that we aren’t doing the best. I don’t know why I felt that way… it’s just one of those things.
3 LivingAlmostLarge // Sep 2, 2008 at 10:10 am
I forgot one more reason. People aren’t honest because it’s HARD to be honest.
4 Jen // Sep 2, 2008 at 11:44 am
Sometimes being honest isn’t the best thing, you just have other problems when you are honest. I grew up in a Chinese society where people are very honest about their finances. Heck, my aunt even knows how much money her next door neighbor makes. Sounds weird right? When we visit, there always has to be discussions with every family member of how much we make in the states, how much our mortage payment is and what exact we are spending our money on. We are being judge on “how well” we spend our money. If we spend too much on something, there will be comments on how we need to be better shoppers or that we need to be more careful with what we are spending our money on. And since every one knows everyone’s buiness, if a friend or a family member is in debt, guess who they go to when they need to borrow some money?
5 LivingAlmostLarge // Sep 2, 2008 at 12:20 pm
Ouch. I wonder if people though would be more careful if they didn’t have to pretend?
6 JB // Sep 2, 2008 at 1:02 pm
The society Jen grew up in sounds great. It sounds like Personal Finance community. We should all analyze each other’s spending and investing so we can all help each other make better and smarter choices. If the US was like that we wouldn’t have nearly the amount of debt.
7 Jenna // Sep 2, 2008 at 9:49 pm
I’d love to be honest about how my husband and I are doing - not rich by any stretch of the imagination, have tight months, but we’re in decent shape - but have had too many bad reactions to really let that guard down again.
He has a “real” job in the private sector, I work piecemeal from home as an artist. We’re both nerds who really enjoy figuring out and building our toys ourselves - so, we DO have a big screen tv, our camping setup is lavish beyond reason, and our home is full of tools we use (luckily, playtime for us earns us both cash). But often we’re caught in the web of “well, if you have x to waste on y… why shouldn’t you give us z?” from folks in our life who neither work nor want to. Our focus is a bit weird to many (I don’t see it a waste to buy books instead of going to a bar, he’d rather get a new welder then hit the strip clubs) but as long as our bills are paid and we’re able to save, that should be enough.
Faced with too many hands stretched out, too many cases of nasty “you have it, so give us some”, and too many folks who think we must be rolling in it (nope, just know how to handle what we DO have.) so… we’re pretty quiet anymore.
I just couldn’t do another Christmas where a sweater I made that took 100 hours is thrown on the ground and whined “What, no money… or at least a REAL gift!”
8 Livingalmostlarge // Sep 2, 2008 at 11:56 pm
Wow I can’t believe people don’t love homemade gifts. I love them. I am lazy and admit it so I usually send the same unimaginative gift to everyone. Usually food, but living far away at least justifies it.
9 AnitraClark // Sep 3, 2008 at 7:28 pm
where I am from status is everything, and its a shame to once you find out peoples REAL situation.
I stopped looking at what people had because once you find out the grass isn’t greener on the otherside you will stop trying to live like the jones
great blog
http://anitraclark.net
11 Slinky // Sep 8, 2008 at 4:57 pm
I’m not sure if it is because I have really close friends or because we’re all just fresh out of college, but we’re a bit more open than many people seem to be. I know what a couple of friend’s make, a few know what I make, people know how much my car cost me. I know two of my friend’s parents paid their down payments and financed their houses for them. I know how much another couple have saved for their new house so far (by living at home with parents!). I also know something about half my family’s finances because I help a couple do their taxes.
12 Jennifer // Sep 8, 2008 at 9:14 pm
Yes, it is strange how no one talks about these things. That’s also why I started my blog and why I love to read other PF blogs. Thanks for a great post!
14 Julie // Nov 24, 2008 at 2:35 pm
Great article. Please visit my blog as I recently did a Soapbox Sunday article on a similar topic.
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