DH came home last night and asked me how much should he give to someone’s new baby envelope. It was for a guy whose wife is about to give birth and they are “passing” the envelope and card for donations. It will go to get a gift card for the coworker.
Now he asked me because he doesn’t really know the guy. Yes the guy works in the same department but not together and they’ve meet maybe once. Does he know my DH by face? Probably not. This is the same thing that happens no matter where you work.
But the question comes, how much to toss into the envelope?
It’s hard decision because it’s anonymous and theoretically you could put in nothing. Leaving the donations to everyone else, especially if you don’t know the person. However this could be considered “cheap” instead of “frugal”.
Of course instead of the envelope being passed, someone could come around and wait for you to put money in! They could watch you sign the card and see what you are “giving”. Thus you could be pressured into giving to someone you normally wouldn’t give money to just because you hate to look cheap.
So what should people do?
In our society it’s imperative we look good at work, for obvious reasons. Also getting along with coworkers is an essential part of the job as well. Of course not looking miserly and having a reputation for being cheap is also important. So what did I tell DH?
I figured $20 because it comes out of the ATM and not so cheap but not overly extravagent. Maybe I’m wrong, and he didn’t need to throw in anything, but I figured better safe than sorry and it’s $20 to buy him a good reputation as a “team” player and “non-cheapskate”.
What do you do?
23 responses so far ↓
1 Kristy // Aug 6, 2008 at 10:34 am
I would have done the same thing as you did and thrown in $20.
2 JB // Aug 6, 2008 at 10:35 am
To be honest - I don’t feel bad not putting money in an envelope. I know we’re in a little bit different situation…. but I can’t afford to be giving people that I barely know gifts - so I don’t, and I don’t feel bad about it.
If I was receiving the gift I certainly wouldn’t want anyone to give that didn’t really want to!
3 Barb1954 // Aug 6, 2008 at 10:45 am
$20 seems a lot for someone he doesn’t know. I would have put in about $5.
4 Ashley @ Wide Open Wallet // Aug 6, 2008 at 11:08 am
I was thinking $10.
5 Grace // Aug 6, 2008 at 11:30 am
My rule is $10 for anyone making more money than I do, and $20 for anyone making less.
6 Meg // Aug 6, 2008 at 11:59 am
How much to put in depends on how many other people are contributing and how often these envelopes are passed.
$20 seems very excessive to me, especially considering that your DHs office is so big that he has only met this guy once, which leads me to believe there are many people who will be putting money in this envelope - and that these envelopes are passed on a regular basis.
I have never heard of an envelope being passed for a pregnant employee, much less a male employee whose spouse is pregnant. That seems like something that might be done in a smaller, tight-knit office - but again the fact that you say your husband doesn’t even know the guy indicates that is not the case.
I would have put in $10 if someone was watching and $5 otherwise. But I wouldn’t feel bad putting in nothing, unless I had ever been or ever expected to be the recipient of a similar envelope.
7 chris // Aug 6, 2008 at 12:54 pm
I try to be modestly generous. I am in a modest sized department and when I know people are hurting, I will generally try to be more generous to make up the shortfall. Otherwise, 5-10 seem appropriate.
But I hate being put in the position to donate to something for someone I either don’t know, barely know or even dislike.
8 CB // Aug 6, 2008 at 1:26 pm
I would give $10 if the person was just an acquaintance, but if I really didn’t feel the need to contribute, I would probably save face by telling the collector that I was going to do a gift independently, thus not contribute cash. Depends on how comfortable you are with white lies, in the name of frugality
9 Melinda // Aug 6, 2008 at 3:19 pm
If it’s something that I don’t know very well, I’d probably put in $5. Especially if it’s in a large office where others are chipping in as well. If it’s someone I knew, I’d be more generous. But I’d say $5-$10 is plenty for someone that you’ve only met once or twice.
10 laughing808 // Aug 6, 2008 at 3:27 pm
Depends on how large the department is, if the department is large then anywhere from $2 - 5, but if it was a smaller department then $10.
11 Jim ~ mydebtblog.com // Aug 6, 2008 at 4:51 pm
I personally wouldn’t put money in it unless the area is small and it would be easily noticed. What bothers me is these types of things where other people expect you to give money for their cause. My wife the other day told me she had to give $6 for ‘gifts’ for the supervisors at her job. So about 30 each being required to toss $6 that’s $180 worth being applied to gifts for the supervisors. Why does someone need a gift from the employees for doing their job? I think gifts that come from the employer are better anyways, most people would call them a bonus. Employees funding a gift for other people isn’t something that I think is necessary though.
12 debtdieter // Aug 6, 2008 at 5:07 pm
Wow, I’d never give $20, $5 seems to be the going rate in my office, and nothing if you don’t want to or don’t know the person.
How much you give or don’t give has absolutely no bearing on your career or status within the office.
13 Rini // Aug 6, 2008 at 5:46 pm
Good gracious. Apparently your “Almost” is closer than mine! I don’t put in anything for people I don’t know. (But I’m also the very youngest and newest person on my team, so I suspect less is expected of me. I certainly would expect less of a fresh-out-of-college when I’ve been here 20 years…)
When I got married, I received a card with $130 from my group. About $10 of that I just left in my desk to start “a pot” from which to donate to others in my group that I know. So far I’ve contributed $5, to another soon-to-be-newlywed. I’d interacted with her maybe once, but she sits fairly close to me and is also pretty young.
14 Jen // Aug 6, 2008 at 7:10 pm
I would have said $20 too because I don’t want people to think my DH is cheap either. We pack lunches and rarely eat out. Because we save our money other ways, so that sort of once in a while expense isn’t so bad– especially since there are only 4 peopele in his office. If he works with 100 people, that would be a different story :).
16 Justine // Aug 6, 2008 at 9:50 pm
I would say $5-10 would be appropriate in this situation. I’ve had moments where I’ve felt pressured and had someone standing over me with the envelope and card for someone I barely knew, so I simply said that I would probably give my own little gift but thanks for thinking to include me. Small white lie… but no one should feel pressured to give up their lunch money!
17 Prince of Thrift // Aug 7, 2008 at 1:57 am
I find it interesting people pass an envelope/hat for people having babies at their workplaces, because I have never seen it happen anywhere I have worked over the last 20 some years.
The only time I see it happen where I work is when they collect money at Christmas to buy the manager and assistant manager a Christmas present.
18 GrnMtnGirl // Aug 7, 2008 at 2:06 am
I think it’s inappropriate in the workplace to shakedown other workers for money. IT becomes competitive and wrong. It’s a great post by you because it’s an issue we encounter several times a year between my husband and I. If we know the person well enough to gift to them we’ll give our own card and gift. We don’t contribute to baby funds, marriage funds or personal CAUSES at work on principle.
It’s not in the budget is a perfectly valid excuse. We have enough in our budget to pay for (including gifts for family and close friends for life events). But it’s a very awkward situation to be in!
19 dogatemyfinances // Aug 7, 2008 at 9:44 am
One of the things I love about my job is that we all make big bucks, so we just get rid of this whole stupid dance.
The only exception is one guy rode in a big charity bike ride, and he put up a sponsorship page thing by the bathroom. He raised a couple thousand, but only about 10 people signed up, there was certainly no pressure–and it was for charity.
In an office culture where this kind of envelope passing is common, just wait until Christmas time. Wheee!
20 LivingAlmostLarge // Aug 7, 2008 at 2:37 pm
I’ve found that in an department of 30-40 it is small yet large enough to look bad. And unforutunately looking bad is always the name of the game.
I’ve found that living on the East Coast people are more into “appearances” at work. Out on the West Coast people are more casual about baby showers, weddings, etc. They don’t go so far at work it’s more a casual family/friend thing.
I gotta wonder if it’s just all the “proper” behavior?
Wednesday Wrap-up-The Third | Penny For My Thoughts - Aug 6, 2008
Get Rich Or Die Trying » Blog Archive » Posts Of Interest - Aug 8, 2008
Frugal Babe » Archive » Carnival Of Personal Finance - Aug 11, 2008
Don’t Feed the Alligators » Blog Archive » Weekly Feeding 8-23-2008 - Aug 23, 2008
Leave a Comment