It is kind of rude to back out with 2 months to go when she had agreed a year ago

But if they are REALLY in financial straits, they can come clean and say: look we can’t afford it when we thought we could because he lost his job etc

Ultimately, if it means more to husband and he wants to go – she shouldn’t take her emotions into account because it’s HIS friends and if it were the reverse she may have made the decision to go instead of waffling between going/staying

If the wife feels no “vested interest” in attending now, why did she agree to this obligation last year? Some people need to learn to say no graciously.

I think it would be terribly rude to back out at this late date. And, no, sending the husband solo is NOT acceptable.

And they should probably both go since

A) they’ve committed to it and already have their clothes and its only a few months away and

B) DH is “very very” close to the couple and would probably hold it against you for a long time for preventing him from going. The money saved won’t be worth the relationship suffering.

C) Since they are both in the wedding party it will be extremelly annoying (maybe impossible) to find one extra female to replace the wife if she doesn’t go. On the other hand it may not be difficult to just lop off both of them the list and then still have an equal number of groomsmen and bridesmaids.

D) Plus it’s kind of impluasible to use the “we can’t afford it so only DH is going” excuse, since that will hardly cut the cost (unless DH can shack up with some other single groomsman or something and avoid a hotel room expense).

As to the general question of “how late is too late to back out” I think it depends on how long ago they agreed to be in it. If they already have their wedding clothes that indicates it has probably been at least several months which is too long, in my opinion.

Just dip into savings, consider it your vacation for a year (or two), and cut where you can to make up for it elsewhere.

If the wedding has been in the works for 12-18 months and you agreed to be in it a year ago, yes, it’s too probably late to back out without very hard feelings.

If this is a whirlwind wedding that will only be 3-4 months from engagement to wedding, you were just asked last week and the dress was purchased shortly after, you can probably bow out with a reasonable explanation – and send a really great gift!

It also depends on how friendly these friends are. Almost any girlfriend of mine would understand if I sat down and explained to her the $$ problems we were going through. Some folks aren’t so understanding.

If you are in the wedding party, you are not a guest of a dear friend. That bride has told you that you are incredibly important part of the wedding. Maybe that’s wrong and she has no friends. But that should have been discussed months ago. Too late now. I can’t even imagine how hurt I would be if a bridesmaid bailed on me.