Also I noticed that fruality blogs often imply that a spouse (woman) can/should stay home if only they cut out extravagances like purses, vacations, mcmansions , cable etc.. That’s also a very simplistic way to look at things. In my case, our incomes are fairly equal and not having one would make it impossible to save for retirement. Plus what’s wrong with wanting to eat out, buy clothes and travel once in awhile? I have a friend who stays home and hasn’t spent on any extravagances in years. She and her husband cannot save any $ for retirement. If she worked, they could stop living hand-to-mouth but like many, she thinks she’ll be a bad mother if she worked.

I didn’t read all the comments yet, but this makes me want to throw up. Give me a break. Men and women can both nurture. Not everyone chooses to work to have thing, but rather to have a life that isn’t 100% dedicated to children. I think that is reasonable, but I’m child-free so maybe I just don’t understand.

But that’s not my mom. And I think articles like are extremely unfair. Do I think less of my mom for working? Heck no! I think more of her. Superwoman!

Also I know many women I work with who don’t need to work for $$ but solely like Kristy for health insurance. Two women are married to independent contractors and without their jobs they couldn’t have health insurance for their families. So they don’t earn much but they provided the employer sponsered insurance. If we lived in a country of socialized medicine I bet they wouldn’t work.

So not all working mothers do so for fashion, bigger homes, and fancy cars. Some do it because they can’t get insurance otherwise that is affordable.

I also have friends who enjoy what they do and make good money. Most make quite a bit actually even after daycare. So financially it does make sense to work.

I’m not sure where I stand in this case, but I think questioning of women working is always happening while it never happens to men.

And Jim-mydebtblog, my mom paid my biological sperm donor alimony and 50% of the house we lived in in the 1980s. She kicked him to the curb asap and we were fine. And the bum never held a job so there was no child support and she didn’t care. And she worked a lot of overtime to make sure we had enough.

So yep I call for feminism and equality. And I know it cuts both ways. I’ve seen my mom’s divorce decree because I wanted to see the guy give up all parental responsiblity. And now 30 years later he expects me to talk to him?

Children are not toys or fashion accessories as Barb points out. And I think I get that.

Not every mom works to have the big SUV, McMansion, etc. either. I work for a few reasons: I love my job, I make really good money, my job is flexible, we need health insurance which my job provides, etc.

I worked and nursed my DD for a year…yes I pumped but when I was home we breastfed. I do feel like I have it all because of the flexibility of my position and a very supportive husband who is a great father as well.

But I think people expect dads not to be as close to their kids.

While some have pointed out that moms do bond through breast feeding and the like, there’s no reason that dads can’t strongly bond with their kids either. A SAHD doesn’t breast feed, but he may bond just as strong with a child if the mom is working.

@Meg #1, I think you’re right about moms agonizing about it more. I think that while they should consider careful their family’s best interest, dads need to as well. The best interest may be both working, mom working, or dad working…it depends. For my in-laws, it’s best if my MIL works and my FIL takes care of the kids.

Until he passed away when I was in 1st grade, my dad was the stay at home parent while my mom worked. He was older and retired, so it was up to my mom to make the money. It wasn’t the ideal situation, but it’s what worked best I guess. And remember, that was about two decades ago, before things like family restrooms (at least around here) — though not much else seems to have changed in terms of society’s expectations. I don’t believe we’ll truly have equality for women until society believes that men can do things like housework without feeling emasculated or stay at home with the kids without being called lazy bums. Until then, women can have it all but only so long as they’re willing to do it all.

I certainly wished that I had more time with my mom growing up, but I would not have wanted to sacrifice any time with my dad, either — especially looking back since I didn’t have much time with him before he passed away. I also appreciate that growing up in that arrangement, it seemed perfectly normal, which has no doubt allowed me to challenge a lot of societal gender expectations.

The way I see it, both parents make sacrifices whether they stay at home and give up careers or stay working outside the home and give up time with their kids. And single parents make perhaps the greatest sacrifices of all — goodness knows, my mom did. However, you do what you have to do. We rarely have perfect choices.

LAL, I know that you never implied that children are a fashion accessory but I was trying to make the point that your life is not truly your own after you have children. Hell, spending just 4-1/2 hours with my two nieces today had me craving a drink when I got home. Talk about sucking the energy out of a person!!

I just sometimes gather from the tone of your comments that you don’t want to be inconvenienced at all by having kids. That may be the furthest thing from the truth. However, one parent usually takes on the role of being the primary caregiver, even if that parent also works. There are only so many hours in the day and something has to give. Like so many other things in life, it’s not fair.

To your list of questions, I’d add: And what about single dads, or two-dad couples? Are they just swimming in bliss since it’s seemingly only women who fret about about spending time with their kids?

This leaves a lot to be desired on so many levels.