It seems that many couples have problems with deciding what’s most important financially. They agree to save for certain goals. But determining what those goals should be is tough. How do you determine what should be a financial priority?
Even for my DH and I, we find it difficult to agree on what our financial goals are. We can easily agree to not finance a car, buy more house, or pay for college. But then we disagree about how much to save for a car? I would prefer a nicer car costing between $20-30k, while my DH thinks we should stick to $15-20K. Neither decision is wrong, and in principal we agree to save for a newer car. But actually putting a dollar figure to it takes compromising.
What we decided was that we would save at least $20k a middle ground figure. And when the time arose that we needed a newer car we’d look at our family situation, potential future family situation (say we had one kid but was going to have more), and decide what car we wanted. If we decided we would prefer a minivan that cost $25k instead of a small station wagon (subaru impreza), then we’d save more. This way we both felt that our wants and opinions were important.
Or we differed what a reasonable vacation would be. DH felt he deserved a vacation he’d enjoy. I wanted it as cheap as possible. A compromise was that we would research the total cost of a vacation and see how it fit into our budget. Sure other things might have to be trimmed like no extras on the cell phone plan, and less eating out, but this way we stuck to a reasonable figure.
In a marriage it isn’t about always winning or the more frugal person always being right. It’s about compromise. It’s understanding where the other person is coming from and being able to listen to their opinions without judging. And sometimes it’s about giving in because it’s really important to the other person.
I think that if you take the time to plan out expenses together it may make important financial decisions easier. Like setting up a budget or a plan for how much to eat out, spend on a car, vacation, etc. And sometimes the solutions, like our car choice, does not always make either party 100% happy. But we’re satisfied that the issue can be revisited and for now we’ve come to a reasonable compromise.
How as a couple do you compromise your wants?
7 responses so far ↓
1 Simon // May 27, 2008 at 9:09 pm
We dont have any formal or strict timing to discuss such things, but it comes up in conversations. I am in charge of the finances, but my wife takes pride in her influence over them with her coupons and deal searching etc. So as i do a weekly update on our spending plan, i often give her a review on how we are doing etc. That oftentimes leads to a discussion of our goals/priorities and from there we might come up with a figure or decide to keep on plugging away as we are and determine that at a later date. We still go back and forth on the issues and the numbers do change every once in a while, the whole plan is pretty fluid depending on what is going on in our lives so we have a lot of flexibility when it comes to determining what, where and when for goals.
2 dogatemyfinances // May 27, 2008 at 10:48 pm
Great post, taking into account more than just the math or the “split the difference” figure.
3 frugal zeitgeist // May 28, 2008 at 12:46 am
Heh. I’m divorced.
4 chris // May 28, 2008 at 1:21 am
Great post. Lots of insight not often discussed.
5 Kristy // May 28, 2008 at 2:52 pm
Neither of us really want much of anything. One of the only things I enjoy is eating out and since we can afford it, it isn’t an issue. When it was an issue we just didn’t eat out as much or went to places that had specials. Neither one of us is a spender so we both enjoy saving as much as we can.
6 LivingAlmostLarge // May 28, 2008 at 5:43 pm
Compromise I’ve noticed is never easy between any couple (Same sex or opposite). People think they are similar, like DH and I, but we still have differences. We’re one of the most financially compatible couples but we still have differences about what is affordable.
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