My roommate is about to go to a wedding over memorial day weekend. This is a VERY fancy wedding for a girl I would consider a very close friend of his. They have known each other about 8 years and this wedding is taking place in NY, so it’s expensive. Moreso because the couple is making it a pretty lavish wedding.
So he was asking us what he should give as a wedding present. When we got maried and he was the best man, he gave a very frugal gift and were very touched he came and participated at all. He was a graduate student, like us, so we knew he had been saving for over 1 year to attend the wedding.
This time, attending the wedding is much easier because it’s close to where we live, plus he’ll be in the area anyway. So the expenses like airline tickets, hotel, food, etc are not factored in. But he’s still not making a huge salary. Thus he isn’t sure if he’s ready to blow what is “expected” in a new york weddings. This wedding will easily cost over $50k.
So he was a bit hesistant in some ways to go because it would be such a lavish affair. And he was felt as though there were expectations of a hefty gift. My suggestion? Keep it reasonable and the couple should understand. Buy something about $50 from the gift registry and enjoy himself.
Yes it’s probably less than what the meal will cost, but it’s about what a person would spend going out to a dinner with tax and tip (and he doesn’t drink for religious reasons). Was this a horrible suggestion? I think it was pretty frugal without looking completely cheap.
To put perspective on this, weddings of this size and magnitude in NY, gifts normally run $100/per person and more if you are close friends like my roomie is. But I think on his salary it’s unreasonable to be spending that much. If this still sounds too cheap, or any other ideas for a frugal wedding gift, please let me have it. I’ll tell him this week as suggestions.
14 responses so far ↓
1 Fabulously Broke // May 18, 2008 at 10:06 pm
I can’t think of anything, except maybe photo albums? Has he checked their registry?
2 devil // May 18, 2008 at 10:07 pm
I think you’re exactly right - he should spend what he can afford. It isn’t his choice for them to have a lavish wedding, it’s theirs. If they only want rich people who will buy expensive gifts to attend, then that’s who they should invite.
Every marrying couple needs to understand that there are costs for guests above the gift…travel costs, TIME, wardrobe costs (and probably some others I’m not thinking of). And no one but the bride (and maybe the bride’s mom) really cares that much about the wedding anyway. Guests need to be treated like guests, not cash/gift cows.
Your advice is spot on.
3 Mom @ Wide Open Wallet // May 18, 2008 at 10:20 pm
I think you are right. Just because they want to spend a fortune doesn’t mean he should. They should be thankful for a $50 gift from a good friend.
4 dogatemyfinances // May 18, 2008 at 11:38 pm
If he’s that good of a friend, he can come up with a more personal gift than something off the registry.
It doesn’t even have to be expensive at all. Obviously, they don’t need the money/gifts. What they need is something thoughtful.
5 Livingalmostlarge // May 19, 2008 at 1:42 am
He’s not as close to the groom, so I think he’s having trouble coming up with something. Because he can’t give just the bride something personal because he’d feel weird and like he’s ignoring the groom.
He gave her a DVD for her birthday last time of a movie he knew she liked a lot. This was in January.
But um, a gift for the couple? He’s a bit stuck. I think this is more common, knowing one half of the couple but not the other. Then being really unsure of what to give, so using the registry.
I think that’s why he stuck to the registry for our gift as well. He didn’t know me that well, and a gift to only my DH I think might have been a bit weird.
6 Rete // May 19, 2008 at 3:00 am
My standard gift for a wedding is a couple of kitchen items in a basket with some yummies in it… for example, if the couple likes italian, a couple of wooden spoons, pasta spoon, some gourmet variety pasta and sauce, and use a strainer instead of a basket. I can usually pull a few things off the registry for the kitchen, and have the makings for a romantic dinner for the couple in their first few months of marriage. it’s always a hit and it’s fairly inexpensive.
7 kilcher // May 19, 2008 at 4:30 am
I would never let the cost of a wedding dictate how much I spend on a gift. That is their decision, not mine.
8 Jim ~ mydebtblog.com // May 19, 2008 at 3:40 pm
I think fifty bucks is just fine for a wedding gift. Even if you bought a gift, I think it’s very easy to go overboard which isn’t necessary. I don’t think anyone should expect a certain dollar amount or value amount from the people they invite to a wedding. Everyone that comes also has costs, especially if they have to fly and/or hotel just to be there. So if you budget $200 to go to the wedding, $50 for gift, $50 for gas, and $100 for room, it doesn’t break your system just to go.
9 Sparkyk1971 // May 19, 2008 at 3:49 pm
I also think if he is close to the bride, she understands this situation. And, if they have more inexpensive items on the registry, it’s because they wanted to give people with tighter budgets some options. He shouldn’t sweat it. Add a nice card with a wonderful handwritten, personal note inside to the couple, and he’ll be just fine.
10 Mrs. Micah // May 19, 2008 at 4:29 pm
I give based on how well we know the couple and what we can afford. And if I don’t know them too well, I always stick to the registry so I give something useful (because my desire in giving is to give something useful, not make some big personal offering).
As to what the wedding costs, as others have said…that’s their decision. Not mine.
11 JB // May 19, 2008 at 5:19 pm
Great topic! I just got married over the weekend - and I know all couples are different - but I agree with most of the other comments… Give what you can afford - if you can’t afford anything - don’t give anything! I’d much rather have my friends come and celebrate with me than not come because they can’t afford a gift.
Of course my wedding cost of $2300 was a little less expensive than $50,000.
12 Frugal Urbanite // May 19, 2008 at 8:11 pm
Man, I do not miss the Long Island weddings of my childhood. I remember a wedding showerwhere the bride got a new fridge from a guest.
You certainly don’t have to spend lots of money to give an awesome gift. DH and I just got married in December and one of our favorite gifts was a Mickey Mouse frame for our honeymoon photos.
The bride and groom aren’t likely to be counting the cost of every gift they receive (and if they are, to heck with them) so there’ s no reason to worry about how much a gift costs.
13 Mike // May 20, 2008 at 4:44 pm
$100/person is what I give for weddings and it is a little on the Frugal side on good old Long Island these days.
And, yes, unless you are an elderly widowed aunt the Bride and Groom are going to know just who gave them $50.
14 caribean star // May 29, 2008 at 7:53 pm
A thoughtful gift that should not cost an arm and leg is to purchase a his and her bath robe and have it embroided. example for my friend wedding the last name was bryant, I bought 2 robes base on the theme color of the wedding which was chocolate and cream, I had the robes embroided, on the his robe which was chocolate was embroided Mr. Bryant 05-31-08 in cream and for the other robe for the bride read Mrs. Bryant 05-31-08 embroided in chocolate . I know for a fact their would love these since everytime I visit the pajamas is always their favorite attire
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